The Lard Arms

The Introduction

The Introduction - compulsory before you start Lighter Life - was not what I expected. Admittedly, I was going with the view to finding out more, confirming whether it was for me (or not) and not really expecting much from the counsellor or her assistant.

Well, I was right about the latter. They ran their outfit like a business. It was even in a business park! And I am sure that for some, this is absolutely the right way to do it. Perhaps it gives the punters the confidence that this is a good professional programme.

But let's face it...doing a VLCD is like going into rehab. Food rehab. So, at the end of the day, the surroundings aren't so important - it's your support network that is going to help you through or not.

And I wanted warmth and empathy. If you're admitting that you have a problem, you want to feel that someone else understands. Or maybe that's just me.

BUT the introductory DVD was a revelation. It talked about the fact that with any other addiction - drugs, alcohol, etc - abstinance (cold turkey!) is the only effective treatment. But if you have a food addiction, you can't stop eating full stop. You can't abstain from food for life. Of course, you can't.

And it was at that moment that I decided this was the programme for me. Inevitably, I had lots of questions about how it couldn't work (resistance on my part?) but just hearing the motivation behind Lighter Life meant that it all made sense.

And then they hit you with some amazing personal success stories; people with incredible weight losses that had turned their life around when it wasn't dominated by food.

But even then Lighter Life was something way beyond my own personal experience. I don't know anyone who has done it so it still had an air of being slightly unreal (maybe too good to be true?) about it.

There was one other woman in the introductory session and we were able to bombard the counsellor with lots of questions. All I kept thinking was, I'm glad I'm not doing it with you (the counsellor).

At the end of the session, the other woman and I left together. She said to me "you don't look like you need to lose three stone" and I replied, "I dress strategically"! We hugged each other and said good luck; I felt momentarily sad because she would have been a good person to have in a group. Suddenly, it dawned on me, I might actually be doing this!

In Between

When does a decision become a commitment?

When do you say to yourself, ok, this is it, I'm going to do it? I'm not sure because, to be honest, I don't think I have committed to many things and stuck them out to the end. Is this why I am overweight?

Or is it because I am great at starting something but crap about finishing? The famous Myers-Briggs system, used for profiling work candidates, highlights the different types of people that you need in a successful team. I am definitely not a "completer-finisher" as my husband constantly reminds me. I am fantastic at starting things - full of enthusisasm and excitement and energy. But those elements are not sustained to the end!

I did manage to finish my degree - although it was touch and go in year two - with a lot of support from my mum. I was full of doubt - could I really do it?

And that's how I felt about Lighter Life - could I really do it? Did I have it in me to not eat conventional food for 100 days?

So I need to think about things that I have started and finished...but sadly, they are not many!

I managed to organise a fantastic wedding - everyone said so - but I singularly failed to lose weight (something for me!) and did feel like a fat bride. I spent my honeymoon agonising whether people thought I looked fat or not because I genuinely could not remember anyone saying I looked nice! And that included my husband! But, of course, he did say it, I just didn't hear it! Shameful!

I phoned my mum to ask her what people had said and whether they had enjoyed it...whilst I was on my honeymoon! And even though she tried to reassure me, I didn't believe her.

And for a long time, my wedding really was the only thing I felt I had seen through to the end (if you ignore the fact that I didn't look my best).

Anyway, back to Lighter Life. In between finding THE counsellor and starting (about 7 days), the second original counsellor rang me again to see if I had found a group and I was very impressed that she did. It strengthened my resolve; ok, I couldn't do her class but I had found the right counsellor for me. She also asked me to call her in two months to give her an update. So I said I would. But even then I had no idea whether I would actually commit to this thing. Lighter Life was the great big unknown. And, therefore, extremely scary.

Yes, I had booked myself into an introduction but that wasn't commiting me to anything, was it? Was it?

Before Taking The Plunge - Ask yourself is not eating really a viable option?

I don't know whether I was sounding myself out via my husband or whether I was being my usual self and worrying about how things will affect others but I asked him rather casually in bed....

"What would you think if I went on a really strict regime?"

"Yeah, fine", he said.

"But what it is was REALLY strict as in ... no food. At all. How would you feel about that?"

"Well, what about my birthday?" was his reply!

"Well, it's just something I'm thinking about so don't worry about your birthday."

And that was that. Well, almost. My husband is usually very supportive of my ideas,plans, schemes, etc, despite his own grave reservations, and says, well, if you want to do it. Fine.

And that's really how this particular conversation ended....he said, "if you really want to do it, ok". But to be honest neither of us had any real idea of what was involved.

So I started to think about the implications and, I admit, I was extremely nervous. We had planned to go to an award-winning restaurant to celebrate my husband's birthday (midweek), which this year was going to be special because he wasn't going to be working. In his mind, I think the day would have panned out thus...get up, open presents, potter around the house, get ready, go to restaurant for long boozy and lazy lunch, come home and maybe have an afternoon snooze. I know that makes him sound old but...he isn't. It's just he's been working full on for five years and he's taking a break between jobs. And his birthday sits bang in the middle of that break. Suddenly, the award-winning restaurant didn't seem so appealing because...what would I eat? And how awkward would that be? Imagine, rocking up to somewhere that gets booked up, months in advance, and saying, hello, I know your chef is famous (on a global scale) but I won't be eating! Hmmm.

I think the social anxiety was kicking in nicely for both of us. And that really was how I began to get really nervous about not eating "normal" food and wondering whether I really was capable of embarking on such a strict regime.

VLCDs are NOT for the faint-hearted but...they DO get results. And however much you may doubt your own willpower, you can't argue with the incredible weight loss stories. I knew I had to do something about my weight but...was this the answer?

Before Lighter Life

Was there life before Lighter Life? Of course there was!

I first became aware of Lighter Life last year (2006) when I saw the magazine and, seeing as it was January, bought all the diet magazines - Weight Watchers, Slimming, Rosemary Conley and...this new one. I remember reading it on the tube and being blown away by the amounts of weight lost. The story that stuck in my mind was a very pretty blonde girl who lost - I think - about 10 stone. Yes, 10 stone! Incredible. Incredible but true. But I didn't do anything about what I read.

I had been forced to go on a very strict regime, the year before, and had managed to lose two and half stone all by myself but I was going to the gym at least five times a week, having my own variation of slimfast (ie a shake) but then a bereavement and a holiday meant I gave up. When I came back, I tried to get on the straight and narrow because I was due to have an operation two months later. Well, I got down to the necessary weight - or thought I did - but the surgeon told me while I was about to go into theatre that my stomach was still too fat and I should come back when I had lost 5kgs more. It was a) total humiliation and b) totally frustrating and c) totally demotivating. I thought f**k it, I'm a failure.

Unsurprisingly, I just ate my way through the winter months. Once Christmas was over, I went on a super strict regime - again - and lost the weight I had put on (since the failure) and more and got down to the necessary weight. I had the operation.

And what did I do after the operation? I ate. For England. For comfort. For solace. For relief at having had the operation. To celebrate a new stage in my life. But I didn't put on any weight. Because while the eating went up, I was exercising like crazy and training for a marathon (walking not running!). But what I wasn't doing was addressing why life was just one snack segueing into a meal followed seamlessly by a snack followed by a meal...you get the picture.

And while the scales weren't moving, I was thinking happy days! I've cracked it. I can't even say my eating was all that conscious.

For all sorts of reasons, I never wanted to be the sort of woman who was obsessed by what she ate. Or more accurately, what she didn't eat. You know the type, they know the calorific version of everything. They are slim and watch what they eat. Why was I so resentful of this type of woman? Because I knew (or believed) I could never be like that and, to be honest, I wanted to be free of the tyranny of dieting.

I was bulimic while I was a teenager and although I had counselling to help me deal with the issues, I think the only thing I really took on board was to not get rid of what I ate, immediately afterwards. So I didn't. But I slowly gained weight because, unlike anorexia, bulimia isn't really about controlling what you eat. When you're bulimic, your eating is totally out of control but you've found a seemingly (but it really isn't!) effective way of eating what you want without putting on any weight. Anyone who's had these issues will know that anorexia and bulmia are certainly not effective strategies for weight loss. They're hideous eating disorders that screw you up and make you very bad company, to be honest.

So fast forward to last year and, after months of "success" at cheating the scales, I stopped thinking about my weight. I wasn't slim - absolutely not - but I was relaxed about food. Surely that was an achievement? Well, not really because I was still overweight and this stability was gym-dependent. And life really was a conveyor-belt of food.

Last summer I got diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder that is exacerbated by... exercise! I kid you not. If I "go for it" in the gym, I make my condition so very much worse. Now, that in itself, is pure comedy, is it not? The lard ass is forbidden to go the gym! Is it not every couch potato's dream? Exercise is verboten!

So I stopped going to the gym. Just to see how things went. I was still walking though. And then we moved house, out of the city to an area where we knew no one. We moved from a pristine flat (particularly while we were in the process of selling) to a multi-coloured nightmare of a house that we bought as a "project". Moving was very stressful - we left loads of friends and neighbours behind - and loneliness kicked in. As did tiredness. And it just so happens that our new home (small town) is packed full of restaurants, pubs and cheeky take away joints. So we embarked on our culinary journey to sample each and every one of them. As we decorated, cleaned and unpacked, the last thing we felt like doing was cooking. The kitchen is horrible and doesn't really work. We had a gas leak for two weeks so had no facilities at all. So....takeaway to the rescue. And we hadn't joined a gym either.

So what happened? We got bigger and more tired. So we ate more - particularly toast, jacket potatoes and pasta - to keep going. We were eating enough carbs to run several marathons each but we weren't going anywhere!

We even asked for a breadmaker at Christmas just so we could make our own! We ate our way through Christmas - the first in our own home - and did a lot of entertaining. We're good at putting on a fantastic spread, let me tell you!

And then January slid into February and I got ill so was stuck at home in bed. And that's when I thought - after more comments from my husband about my butter consumption (to go with the toast, of course) that my eating was getting out of hand. Seriously out of hand. I had no desire to cook in the evenings - too tired - and I had stopped enjoying food, to be honest. And I was depressed. Very depressed.

I bought some more diet magazines - it was post-Christmas, after all - and was seriously thinking about Rosemary Conley because her Slimmer of the Year had lost nine stone in a year. You see, if I am going to go on a diet, I want dramatic results. I want a big weight loss. I really thought I could do fat-free. I still didn't go to the class though. Then my husband and I watched Tonight With Trevor Macdonald about why French women don't get fat. That's it, said my husband; that's what we need. No snacking. OK, I said but inside I was thinking...that's good once you've lost the weight.

And then something must have clicked inside because I started to think about Lighter Life. I had the magazine. I read the weight losses and was, quite frankly, gobsmacked. I don't know anyone who has lost that amount of weight and kept it off. Yet here were people who had done just that.

I began to ask myself whether Lighter Life (I didn't know about the Cambridge Diet at that stage) might be the answer. Could THIS be the golden bullet? I was determined to find out more.

Taking the First Step - to a Lighter Life

The more I thought about it ie embarking on this strict regime, the more I got nervous and I hadn't even committed to anything.

I eventually went on the Lighter Life website and logged my details to find my nearest counsellor. One complaint that I have about this process is that this part of the website is not particularly user-friendly. You can't see whether your contact details have gone through. And yes, I admit, I felt ashamed about keying in my name and address because...that meant I was admitting there was a problem. If you are in denial - and I really am/was - this is a painful process. The first step always is. Of course, it's also about control because you leave your details with Lighter Life and then the counsellor will phone YOU back.

My eating may well be out of control but I am a controlling sort of person so this was extremely uncomfortable. But if you don't do it, you can't move forward!

I think my details went to two counsellors and, to cut a long story short, they were SO different. The first one sent me an email and asked me to ring her, which I did. Her answer machine said she would call me back in 48 hours. 48 hours? If you feel nervous about embarking on this, 48 hours is a long time!

The second counsellor then rang me and when I explained that I wasn't able to get to her class because I don't drive, she seemed rather put out. I felt defensive but challenged her and we turned the conversation around. She was then extremely helpful and explained all about the regime (which seemed terrifying - from a social point of view) and I was really disappointed that - logistically - I would not be able to make her class.

The second counsellor's assistant then rang me and explained that I needed to go the introduction session first, which would involve me getting two taxis as public transport doesn't go there. I felt as if I had no choice so I confirmed I would be attending. But, to be honest, it wasn't the travelling that put me off. I has asked her if the counsellor had done the programme and she said she didn't know! So I asked her if she had done it, and she replied, "No, I've never had that much weight to lose"! OK then! Lucky you! And I can feel the empathy from here.....

It is an inescapable fact that Lighter Life is a franchise business so there is no guarantee that you will get a counsellor who has done the programme (well, that's how it seems to me). And from reading other blogs, subsequently, the quality of the counsellors definitely varies. And since you'll be spending at least 13 weeks with your counsellor, it makes sense to find the right one. The chemistry between you is all-important, I believe.

So, I then went back to Lighter Life but phoned rather than use the website and tried to find other groups that I could join (but using public transport to get there). I phoned around and got a lot of answer machines!

And then I struck gold! I spoke to a lovely counsellor with whom I really connected. She has lost 10 stone on the programme and has made it her life mission to help as many people as possible do the same. She explained that Lighter Life is pretty "hardcore" and not for everyone. I appreciated that honesty and I also appreciated the fact that she had been through it. After all, 10 stone is...10 stone! And I liked the sound of her voice. Fortunately, her classes were just starting again - after being fully-booked, and I could go to the first session the following week. Bingo! The only problem was that I would have to start the programme without having the medical, as I couldn't get an appointment with the GP until after week one! She encouraged me to come along anyway.

So I did.