To be honest, I didn’t know what to think about Week 14. I’d done my homework (but not all of it because I haven’t done the exercises from week 13 but they will be done…a bit like my write up of the same session – it’s a work in progress).
As it was, I arrived early – 15 mins – and unlike so many of the sessions where I have to wait outside in the rain, this time I could sit outside in the sunshine and read Grazia magazine, which included the headline, “I went to sleep a size 14 and woke up a size 10”. Obviously I was curious about that particular diet story.
The maximum number of people in our group tonight – the Adios Foundation! group – would have been six. No one is usually late but when there were only two of us for the beginning, I was worried, particularly as the other person with me has already started management.
So, I had my weigh in and it was a big fat zero! Null points for me.
At least I haven’t put on! But after drinking three litres of water this morning, I deliberately stopped an hour before the class so it wouldn’t affect my weight loss. Ha ha.
I so needn’t have worried about that one!
But my LLC was reassuring and said, don’t worry, I am seeing a lot of water retention this week. You will still have lost 3lbs of fat but we’ll see it next week instead of this. The change in weather means…we’re all retaining water! Well, that’s ok then…
I must admit I do feel bloated but had put it down to PMT. I even said to my friend en route that the size 16 jeans were feeling very snug indeed. I was also wearing the same top (Evans, size 18) that I started Foundation in and my friend said was far too big for me. I don’t see it but…more of that later!
Our final group totalled four people. Tonight we got back our before and after shots; in my misguided (or should that read crooked thinking) way, I didn’t expect to see much of a difference. Our LLC handed out the photos, one by one, and gave the person time to digest the contents. The photos were laminated and presented as an achievement certificate; I thought it was such a lovely gesture. Did other people get the same? We got a before and after from the front view and then, on the other side, a side profile before and after shot. My photo was last – we even did the person who wasn’t there before me – and my anxiety levels were rising.
When I saw it, I was shocked. I think I was most shocked about how scruffy I looked because I don’t remember feeling I looked SO bad.
All the photos were dramatic; no two ways about it. Yes, we are all smaller and slimmer and thinner (side profile particularly) but more than anything we all look younger. Years younger.
I have been agonising recently about the appearance of wrinkles on my neck – from my chin to my neck – nice vertical creases; to be honest, I had been feeling sad because I thought…I am looking older. I even managed to catch see Oprah’s special on ageing with Nora Ephron, who’s written a book called I Feel Bad About My Neck: And Other Thoughts on Being a Woman. But when I saw the photo, I looked younger – from a distance! In fact, I looked like a different person!!
Even the way we were all standing in Week 1 was different; it seems as if we are all splayed out – arms out to the side but as someone commented that’s because there was a pillow of fat under the arms to make them stick out!!
Everyone was comparing their photos with everyone else’s. It was extraordinary. I don’t know what I felt but I said to my LLC, I feel ashamed and she said that was normal and that we would go through a range of emotions.
When we started, there was a book of success stories (our LLC’s own) and I thought I would never want my photo in there. Even today I thought I wouldn’t give permission if she asked but then I know just how inspirational before and after shots can be and it would be churlish of me not to share. LighterLife has saved my sanity so if someone sees my photos and feels motivated and encouraged, then that is more important than my obsession (and shame) with protecting my identity. It’s all about feeling shame – shame at having got so big and when I started LighterLife I was NOT at my biggest.
I am going to ask my LLC to email me the photos and if there’s a way I can hide my identity, then I will post them! And that’s a promise.
So what of the session? Well, it was very disjointed; initially, my LLC and person 2 discussed management while I read the new magazine. I suggested this because they were talking about non-LL food and I just didn’t want to listen. I was also completing my food order for the week.
Then the others finally arrived and we watched the Men’s DVD (Brian’s video diary, which was fascinating for several reasons) and then our own Week 14 DVD. I had asked about the Men’s DVDs and our LLC is such a good sport that she showed it to us. It really was fascinating!
To be honest, we didn’t pay much attention to the DVD because the photos had taken precedence.
Afterwards, we went through the questions (How was it for you?) and it just goes to show that everyone is different. What I had loved about the programme, someone else hated and vice versa.
We discussed what people got from the programme.
One person said that it had enabled them to ‘feel’. Our LLC said that this was huge. When you overeat, you suppress the feelings. Once the feelings come out, the urge to overeat should reduce. Must check that out.
The others said they had started to feel indifferent to food or at least thought that they could start to say no (or choose to say no as our LLC suggested).
The issue of an LLC’s size came up too; our LLC asked us whether the person’s size would make a difference to us? I had made it very clear that I had chosen our LLC precisely because she had done the programme and lost a lot of weight. But she is not a human hairpin.
One person said they would not be happy with a very large person but I said that it really depended. It would depend on why they were big. If they have got a handle on the food, then they would understand what we were all going through.
One of the other issues that came up was an LLC’s own experience – whether they had done LighterLife for themselves or purely as part of the training (ie they didn’t have a weight problem – or food problem).
From my own research of talking to LLCs before I started, if they’ve done the programme, they have real empathy..
That was the crux of the matter for me. I have no idea what it’s like to be an drug addict– I can be sympathetic but not truly empathetic.
Someone said that because our LLC had gone through the process, at no point could she say to the LLC “You just don’t understand/You just don’t know what I’m going through”.
I thought that was very poignant.
Our LLC said that when groups are tightly-knit, they have a better success rate.
I don’t think our group is tightly knit at all; there certainly isn’t the level of support that I need. I feel closer to my blogging chums and the people on the Minimins forum – even though I haven’t met you. Yet! I feel a closeness there to the online support network that I don’t feel with the group AND even more significantly with my own friends (apart from ‘Mrs Jupiter’, my BF, my mum and my husband).
I guess it’s about interest; even my husband is not that interested in how I am doing this programme. One of the group said that having a partner made a difference ie you could talk to them about it but I was trying to make the point that that is no guarantee. My husband is supportive but he’s not that interested. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t care but the level of detail I like to share (and want to share) is too much for him.
How do the others feel about that? If you are in a relationship, are your other halves interested? In the detail? I’d really like to know what it’s like for you all.
Is it a gender thing?
What I noticed about the male video was the lack of shame. He was up front about eating too much and needed to stop that bad habit. It was simple and straightforward in his mind.
Brian was NOT hungry but missing food. Would a woman say that? I’m not so sure that she would see it in such a straightforward way.
Back to our own female DVD, one of the LL founders talked about bingeing (in relation to introducing food that makes us binge in management). She said it is unlikely that if we saw six lettuces in the fridge that we would go for it (in the same way that we might if it as chocolate or chips or other trigger foods). Sadly, she is right. I have never gorged myself senseless on lettuce. Chips – yes, pizza – yes, chocolate – years ago, yes, bread – yes, crisps – don’t even go there!
My LLC doesn’t even eat crisps. Goodness me!
Another comment made was about the availability of the LLC. Funnily enough, it frustrated me early on but once I had found Minimins (for practical solutions) and then the blogs…I didn’t need to wait for answers from my LLC.
BUT what was very interesting was that she talked about the fact that it was all about her NOT being a crutch. We all need to work out how we get the support we need in our lives (beyond LL). Yes, we may go to management meetings (this is my take on it) but the LLC cannot solve our problems. There cannot be a culture of dependency. We need to learn coping strategies – whatever work for us – so that we can live our lives in the future, without being dependent.
It suddenly made sense to me; what was initially an irritation – was actually a benefit in disguise. I know it forced me to look for answers elsewhere.
So, at the end of the session, which didn’t really feel like the end, we said goodbye but three of us will meet next week and the person who has already gone into management – well, there is a good chance that we will see her there. I think the three of us will be out of Development before (her) 12 weeks of management are up.
If anything, what with the zero weight loss, etc – it was a bit of an anti-climax. Last week felt like the end (of part one of the journey).
So next week starts the wonderful world of Development. I don’t know what to expect and maybe that’s no bad thing! Watch this space.
(Chris – our LLC has said repeatedly, every week in fact, that we should (she probably doesn’t say should but you know what I mean) do our homework because people always say they regret it at the end of Foundation. One of our group definitely agreed.
It may be good to get out the green book, even as you follow your own regime. I will definitely be going over some gaps so let’s see what it throws up.)
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