It's been a funny old day. I said goodbye to Devon, to my mum and to my gorgeous girl! While I've been away (or while she has), she looks older (my dog, not my mum!). That's always a concern for me - every moment is precious. She stayed close to me the whole trip down.
Food-wise it's been quixotic (I LOVE that word!). My mother had purchased organic chicken breasts in honour of Week 1 of LighterLife Route to Management. She was going to teach me how to trim the skin and prepare them for the grill (she uses a Le Creuset but has a mini-George Foreman for one). Our George Foreman is in storage so my mum was going to lend me her GF. Ours has only been used to cook aubergines in almost five years!
The sad thing was that watching the chicken preparation just brought a famous Smiths record into my brain, particularly once it was sizzling on the grill. So I told my mum that I could not prepare chicken on my own and she advised me to get skinless meat! With my new appreciation (!) of salmon, I tried a salmon fillet last night; I hated it. As I observed to my mum today, long-term, once I've learnt to hold my weight, I think I'll go back to being vegetarian or certainly 80% that way (compared with my 100% before). I just won't be able to prepare the chicken and fish and my reckoning is, if you can't cook it yourself, you shouldn't eat it. But that's just me.
Sadly, I left the grill in Devon, by mistake, but took the instructions and the accompanying accessories. Doh! I also forgot my sunglasses. The volume of my luggage was insane; I would be paying excess charnges, had I been airport bound. All of this, and the fear of missing the train, made me have travel anxiety. Really bad travel anxiety; the worst I have had for months.
By the time I got to the station, I kept feeling dizzy and tired. I still must make that appointment since this is not good. I am eating more than on the packs but feeling worse.
I had sugar on the train. Not good and not in the form of sugar in the two cups of tea that I consumed during the journey. I know the trigger now - I was worried about how I would get back here and so ate sugar to give me energy. I had packed a salad and the chicken in my newly-purchased food containers (see below) BUT no fork. It's crooked thinking. I'm getting there with the planning, I really am. Just not there yet.
I also read The Lazy Person's Gude to Beating Overeating since the train was so packed, a mini book was all that there was space to do. I want to blog about it separately; Gillian Riley has been highly recommended by Goombagirl and others. For a tiny book, it packed a punch, I must say.
When I got back, I had some house admin to do before going down to meet the builder. There wasn't much time - no time for photos - so I will be on site early tomorrow morning. Tomorrow it's all hands on deck again - plasterers, brickies, labourers and the builders! After seeing the builder, I went with my neighbour to see some flooring that we may have in the whole of the downstairs; I had shown my neighbour a sample and she recognised it immediately as the same one her best friend has. It was a generous gesture! She then brought me back here, to the B&B, so that I could then go and check out some decking (round the corner). I am doing the rounds, at the moment, of visiting people's houses to see what I like and what I don't! It's exciting but draining. Got back about 8.15pm, ate my salad, chicken and cottage cheese (big tub, still in fridge -progress)!
Ate the remaining sugary items that I didn't eat on the train. Just because. And again, as a boost, to get me through the following couple of hours. I managed not to hoover all the sugary items, in one hit, on the train. Progess, of sorts although I used to be able to keep a bar of chocolate in the fridge for weeks.
So, I am back to the future; there aren't enough hours in the day, I may not see my husband for two weeks, I feel nervous about the house, I feel nervous (AGAIN) about going back to work tomorrow (see my post, Work is a Four Letter Word, 26 August 2007 for background) and I feel great anxiety about the next weigh in. It's because the scales are going in the wrong way, my 2lbs are getting further away and my trousers are tighter. However much I have eaten off piste, it's not several pounds' worth (of weight gain). I am slightly anxious about just how few calories I will need to consume each day BEFORE I start putting on weight agian.
Something's got to give and I am just worried it may be my temper (short through tiredness) if my employer number one just happens to press the wrong button tomorrow.
Constant vigilance is required, right now, on the giant hamster wheel that is my life.
I quite agree with you on the 'if you can't cook it yourself, you shouldn't eat it' thing.
I grew up around animals for eating and have dispatched a few for the pot. I always think it's strange when people say that they couldn't do that. People have even called me barbaric which I find strange and annoying. Where do they think meat comes from?
It is especially annoying when my animals grew up almost wild with a great life. It's usually the folks that prefer to eat factory reared, steroid ridden McCows who seem to have the most opinion on this.
By the way, if you feel the ened to try salmon again make sure you buy wild Alaskan Salmon. You can get it most places now. It's is 100 times better than the farmed salmon.
Posted by: guinea | August 29, 2007 at 12:15 AM
Hello Mrs. well - despite going off the rails briefly yesterday and the huge portions of fruit and yoghurt, I have lost a few lbs over the last few days and I am now within a lb of my last WI weight - so the upping of the exercise would seem to be countering the weight gain. Some of the weight on really is just your liver trying to build its glycogen stores - once it has started to fill (at the same time as you losing a couple of extra lbs of fat your weight - and hopefully your sugar levels will moderate) you are battling with your body's desire to have its prescribed amount of ready energy at the moment - one day you are filling it, the next you are depleting it...obviously there is head stuff going on as well, but do;t underestimate your body's survival instinct - it wants you to have glycogen so that you can start 'gathering' again. (In cavewoman speak)
Finally, I am not sure how this science actually works, but I wonder if your stress levels are execerbating this. Adrenaline spikes cause your body to call for glycogen - if there is none you are either going to want some AND QUICK or you are going to feel exhausted, dizzy and sick because your body is trying to find something that it wants but doesn't have.
This is going in Sarah's BAD SCIENCE corner - but remember that stress that creates any sort of elevated heartbeat or any time you panic means that your adrenal glands have started secreting a hormone that wants glycogen. (The good news is that it will also metabolise fat - so use your adrenaline's powers for good!)
Posted by: Cerulean (Sarah) | August 29, 2007 at 07:33 AM
Hello Mrs. well - despite going off the rails briefly yesterday and the huge portions of fruit and yoghurt, I have lost a few lbs over the last few days and I am now within a lb of my last WI weight - so the upping of the exercise would seem to be countering the weight gain. Some of the weight on really is just your liver trying to build its glycogen stores - once it has started to fill (at the same time as you losing a couple of extra lbs of fat your weight - and hopefully your sugar levels will moderate) you are battling with your body's desire to have its prescribed amount of ready energy at the moment - one day you are filling it, the next you are depleting it...obviously there is head stuff going on as well, but do;t underestimate your body's survival instinct - it wants you to have glycogen so that you can start 'gathering' again. (In cavewoman speak)
Finally, I am not sure how this science actually works, but I wonder if your stress levels are execerbating this. Adrenaline spikes cause your body to call for glycogen - if there is none you are either going to want some AND QUICK or you are going to feel exhausted, dizzy and sick because your body is trying to find something that it wants but doesn't have.
This is going in Sarah's BAD SCIENCE corner - but remember that stress that creates any sort of elevated heartbeat or any time you panic means that your adrenal glands have started secreting a hormone that wants glycogen. (The good news is that it will also metabolise fat - so use your adrenaline's powers for good!)
Posted by: Cerulean (Sarah) | August 29, 2007 at 07:34 AM
It sounds like you need to get some stability back in your life. Time to prioritise YOU over all the other demands on your time. easier said than done though I know.
I think Sarah is probably right about the adrenaline thing too. If you can slow down, conversely you'll find more time to plan and more peace.
I hope you can get to that place.
I like your tupperware Mrs - I'm going to get me some of that too!!
(((((((big hugs))))))))0
Lesley x
Posted by: Lesley | August 29, 2007 at 10:19 AM