OK, here's what I did RIGHT today because I need more of these activities and fewer of the here's what I did WRONG activities:
I drank 6 litres of water - my blood pressure problem may be a dehydration problem.
I made an appointment to see the GP, the dentist and put my name (and my landlady's name) down for an allotment! These are positive things, for me.
A friend (in the building trade) delivered our doors today; he was delayed on the motorway and even though I wanted a coffee (and a cake!), I waited at the house and worked in the garden. It was physical work - cutting back things as they have got SO overgrown. As I worked in the garden, I thought - this is better than snacking. This is GOOD. I feel pleased that I didn't weaken and have TWO coffees.
I took my friend for a coffee and bought him a homemade Brownie and didn't touch it. This was good; even in Development, I used to try little bits of this and that.
I had a good morning. I had my foodpack and that was all.
I walked back up to the B&B and had my soup; I decided that I might try to do a foodpack day, just because I didn't have the mental energy to negotiate my way through Waitrose to assemble the ingredients for a meal. The other thing that came out of our Management session was that for some of us, we might need interim solutions. One person is not going to eat at home (probably too much prowling, like me) - not for ever but just for the immediate future.
At lunchtime, I had my soup and felt calm. I sat down, relaxed, focused on the soup (ie did it all right) and WHOOSH!, the crooked thinking snuck in - just when I thought, phew, I can get through today. And then I picked. And for the second time, I had that f**k it, I've blown it train of thought. I ate up all the bits and pieces lying around - a quarter of a bag of Onion Rings (hello??!), a couple of chocolate foodpacks, lots of tea, the final two Greek Zero Fat yoghurts.
Then I cycled off to my meeting, having asked the landlord for help with Excel. That was progress - asking for help!
I managed for the next few hours, without any problems. I cycled back home (25 minutes uphill) and had another soup. Did some chores. Felt calm. Focused on my soup (replay!). Sat down to watch 10 Years Younger and WHOOSH! Then I started to eat - whatever I could find. So I consumed 3 Oatibix (slightly stale but the box is now empty), some oatcakes (which I HATE) with Lurpak Light and marmite. A BIG moment in this madness was the fact that I was slightly repulsed by the Lurpak; this is progress. I used to cane the butter. I stopped with the oatcakes. They were repulsive. There are still plenty of oatcakes in the box. There is nothing left in the fridge though! But I know exactly what the trigger was - watching that programme. It was PAINFUL and I don't mean the surgery.
Tomorrow my husband comes back and I don't know what I am going to do about food. I have warned him about the house expenditure (a good thing). He is working all weekend again so he will be here but not here! Next weekend he won't be here at all.
We will have our Sunday Night issue again BUT the good thing is that The Sopranos are back again so there will be no need to eat!!
Tomorrow will be a mixed bag; back to work with employer number one (I think I just need to say goodbye, it's got complicated). I'll be taking the learnings from TODAY and applying them, not least because there is NO food in the B&B and thank God for that.
Oh and the final progress made is that when I got indigestion, I have NOT eaten more food! Again, that is better than the beginning of Route to Management. It would be funny if it weren't so pitiful.
PS I was unsure whether to document all of this - after all, is it really helping anyone (a big reason for starting this blog) and I've figured I've got to tell it as it is otherwise I'll forget. It's important to account for all those 'extras'. And you'll also know what NOT to do when you hit Route to Management. At least, I say, desperately defensive, I am not alone and my fellow Foundation Friends are struggling with Management, too. And some of them have no one to share with so are feeling even more shamful than me.
It is such a moveable feast (eeek - pun!) isn't it? One minute - confident, happy, in control. Next minute - what can I eat???
I'm trying to slow my life down, do more chores, wash up more, get into routines around the house and be a better housewife because, funnily enough, this helps me NOT eat!! I've no idea why but it does. Obviously you can't do this because you're split between 2 chaotic households and are up to your eyes. I'm confident that when you get into your house you can establish routines and coping systems and it will be a lot easier for you to manage (everything).
When might that be???
Cling to the good stuff and any resistance of bad stuff is a triumph.
Lesley x
Posted by: Lesley | August 31, 2007 at 08:50 AM
Hey Mrs - you are still identifying what is happening and when. Use this information. Are you still doing thought records? the light must be at the end of the tunnel with all these lightbulb moments!
Posted by: Sandra | August 31, 2007 at 09:56 AM