Creep

"You know, from reading your posts one might think that you'd slapped a load of weight on during RTM..."

That was part of one of Lesley's comments (along with very very encouraging words so it wasn't negative!) to a recent post about my vital statistics after 13 weeks on Route to Management (done my way, of course). Funnily enough, I had felt the same; I thought I had put on MUCH more weight, too. I certainly felt it physically.

Since Wednesday the scales are showing a 3lb gain so it's either creeping on or it's a seasonal fluctuation!

The reason that I feel, very strongly, that LighterLife Route to Management and I are not done are definitely because I didn't do it "perfectly" (just like Lesley) BUT, also, because I am so conscious that some habits just have not gone away at all. They have been hibernating nicely and are now wide awake.

Yesterday was a reallly good example because there was very little that I ate and actually enjoyed. Yet, intake-wise, I know it would have been high on fat, sugar and calories. I am not calorie counting - maybe I should?

I still don't know what I need to eat to maintain the weight loss and I don't know how far I can push the boundaries. I am not doing any exercise at the moment (apart from the walking) because of my back. But thank goodness the urge to move has returned; I was worried I had become exercise-phobic again....

I don't know if it helps but I am going to write down what I ate and why - I never did the mood and food diary on RtM.

Highlights include:

Fried egg sandwich (well, soft bap) - this was about 10am. Yesterday, we went to a christening; a very special christening because the baby is a miracle. I can't deny I was very conscious of not having a baby but that's just a feeling. My husband and I were running late, were not organised and panic set in. So while my husband was out getting last-minute things (including some tights for me!), I asked him to get me an egg sarnie. I wasn't hungry. And my skirt (the one I bought from M&S in the summer) was snug, snug, snug - not in a Tom Kitten way ie bursting at the seams - but tighter than when I bought it. So, just as I ate when I had indigestion, I ate because my clothes were tight. Now that's what I call fat logic (as opposed to bird logic).

Car sweets - easily half a packet of Cadbury's Eclairs (purchased by my husband). We thought we might be almost an hour late, we were bickering and I felt anxious. So...I ate sweets. I didn't even enjoy them and worried about what they were doing to my teeth (which cost money to fix!).

Buffet food - the ONE good thing I did was make my husband go to the buffet table. After the anniversary experience (buffet breakfast), I remembered my LLC's strategy of sending someone else to get your food and to get one plate only. My husband brought back one plate to share and I didn't eat much - two deep-fried prawns and two slices of garlic bread (the thin baguette type). I had one glass of champagne and then had diet coke.

Post-event amuse-bouche (!) - I really wanted a cup of tea and something hot so we stopped off at Costa and I had a toasted panini. Looking back, what I really wanted was a cup of tea and a sleep. I didn't need the panini, I didn't enjoy it that much (I know, I know, I used to fantasise about them during abstinence!).

Home - we went out for a drink, which I didn't really enjoy (I had a Peroni). My husband had cooked an amazing curry but since I had sampled it on Friday night (I'd gone out with the lodger), I wanted something else. So I bought Pizza Express dough balls; not exactly healthy but that was what I wanted. I also bought a salad.

I ate the dough balls (90%) by myself and even though they were a disappointment, I carried on eating them. Just because. My husband and the lodger were drinking but I decided to stick to water. At least that was something!

This is all old behaviour; carbs during the evening to pep me up, very little in the way of fresh fruit and veg', ignoring my body's signals (go to bed!) and overriding them with food.

I've woken up today and thought, all those calories for what? All that food, for what? I can honestly say, hand on heart, that I didn't really savour or enjoy anything I ate yesterday.

Not good, not good at all.

Comments

[Liz]

Hi there,

I've been avidly reading, as always, but I realised I've not commented for a while. I have been going back through your archives to see how you were doing, what you were eating etc when you were at the stage that I am now. It is so helpful to read through other people's experiences. The LLC's job is to keep you following their law or they loose - and in meetings a lot of people, including myself, tell the LLC what they want to hear.

Apart from AmandaJayne - who appears to have stuck to the plan entirely - most people have had to make their own negotiations on the plan. So thank you for your honest blogs and your kind comments. You are a daily source of entertainment and essential information!

Cheers again...

xxx

[Sandra]

I think you've done fabulously. Please don't beat yourself up for doing whatever you had to to get through. 3lbs is hardly anything - I fluctuate that much after a big meal! It's certainly not a 'gain' in any sense and you probably need to give yourself time to accept your new body.