Mrs Lard's Observations - no. 31

I have definitely noticed that there is a cut-off point when I stop feeling the pounds going back on. It's as if the alarm clock in my body has been switched off. Completely.

I remember writing somewhere in this blog that I hadn't felt the difference between a couple of stone (ie being two stone heavier) but that I could definitely feel 2lbs on the scale. That was a BIG moment; to have that body awareness.

I thought, like the Spice Girls (ha!), it would last forever. But it hasn't. I am now over a stone heavier than when I finished Development. I was very conscious of any extra weight - 1lbs, 2lbs, 3lbs, even 4 or 5lbs on the scales - and I could feel it. I knew where those pounds were distributed on my body.

Now, however, the situation is back to how it was pre-LighterLife. I definitely feel lard-ier and while I think most of the weight has gone back around my mid-section (tummy), it clearly has gone elsewhere too. I feel bigger but can't quantify how much bigger. The defining moments will be my clothes but since I have been wearing thermals and my cut-off jeans, I don't get that daily reminder of how loose or tight my 'new' clothes are.

With my own alarm system now set to silent, I wonder if this was how I was able to be several stones heavier yet not really feel the difference? Throughout LighterLife Foundation I kept saying how I didn't really notice the difference, physically; maybe this was why? Hmmmm.

Comments

[Alison]

Hmmm, I know what you mean about not being able to tell if you're a pound or two different. I have days where I feel thinner but can't tell yet if I've actually lost any weight so jumping on the scales is always a surprise/shock for me. I hope this changes as the weight comes off. I suppose at the moment I'm too fat to notice a small change as it's such a tiny percentage of the weight I have to lose. I'm sure you'll tune into your body again soon though.

[Lesley]

I know what you mean about losing that minute lb detector. I too don't feel the changes as acutely as I did. I think that that is a GOOD thing though. We have to get away from being terrified fat people to one day be able to move into the land of eating "normally".

Having had a break from the blogs because I've been ill, I've come back and feel that you sound very scared and frenetic about the whole weight issue. I can't help thinking that it would be better for you if you could be less hard on yourself; chill out a bit; and maybe have a break from worrying about the weight piling on. As you know, I had that phase before Christmas where weight did go on but it has since stabilised and even gone down a tiny bit and I didn't pile it on over Christmas. The only thing I've done differently is not to panic like I was doing before Christmas. Then I was definitely heading into the bingy type mode now I just eat less and try to stop myself eating stuff at least some of the time.

Not very helpful I know but the more pressure you put on yourself to be perfect in every way, the harder it will be to suceed and the more you're likely to eat when you fail!! A nasty vicious circle.

Listen to the Boots ads and "just change one thing". That might give you the perspective you need and the feeling that you can suceed in that small arena which might filter through to other aspects of your life.

Not trying to be mean Mrs but you sound a bit "headless chicken" at the moment. Calm down - pick one thing to change and do that for a few days and forget about the rest. Look at the big picture - you have still lost a lot of weight, you're pretty slim by all standards and just because you have gained some weight over Christmas, well, who doesn't?

Be kind to yourself and enjoy the Spice Girls tonight - ask yourself - would you rather be you or Posh or Geri? They look like they haven't relaxed and had a nice meal for a decade!!!

(((((((((big hugs))))))))))

Your pal, not wanting to sound preachy or mean, honest, Lesley xx

[dietgirl]

DUUUUDE i hope you had a rockin time tonight, i was thinking of ya!

i hear ya re the body awareness. i honestly didn't feel any new levels of misery from 20-25 stones but 5lb now i feel like am spewing oot my jeans!

[Comrade GoGo]

Just recently I was writing about the same sort of thing--not having gotten that wake-up call that lots of other people seem to receive. Once I hit a certain weight, after I kept gaining I kind of just mentally checked out I guess...