The Vortex

I seem to have got myself into a very strange place of repeating old behaviours - particularly the food ones.

And I am stuck right in the middle of this inner turmoil. There are certain things I AM managing to do - walk the dog, go to work in one piece - and I am slowly getting my act together on the outstanding admin' issues.

BUT there has been a price; food consumption.

I've noticed a pattern now; one area of my life can be going really well so disruption and disharmony appear somewhere else.

And here's the strangest thing; I know what I am doing goes against everything I was working towards last year. Yet I continue.

I also know what I can do to fix things. But I don't. How insane is that?

I can't even bring myself to do a thought record. Maybe I just don't want to see, in black and white, what I already know. I really am NOT coping with everything that's going on around me.

Anyway, that's enough negativity. Two things brought me joy today - first, I finished at 4pm to allow for class but I didn't go because the sesson has been moved. Just having that extra hour and a half at home meant that I got so much admin done, which made me smile. And made me feel more in control. Second, when I walked the dog, the weather was glorious. We managed a good walk, with an abundance of natural light. It was SOOOO beautiful and the dog even managed a swim or two in The Thames. She was so happy.

We are back in the groove together - the dog and me; it's working really well. She seems to love her evening walks more than any others so, with the lighter evenings coming our way, I want to make the most of that time of day. The dog is certainly not an early riser so I am no longer beating myself up if we haven't packed in a super long walk before I leave for work.

While my husband is away, she is my constant companion and it does make a huge difference, having her here. This year she is going to be 12 years old and tonight, as we were walking along, I was thinking about work and the impact of work. Work to live or live to work? If I live to work, the dog is not going to get a look in, realistically. It's time for a rethink. Another one.

Comments

[Lesley]

Sorry to hear about your eating issues. Maybe you're putting yourself off by trying to solve the whole lot in one go? Maybe try little changes to get you back on track?

Great news about the extra time and the dog. It's so nice when you're back in harmony. Just watching a dog's joie de vivre reminds you how good life can be.

Good luck with the food.

Lesley x

[Peridot]

Oooh, work to live, definitely. I keep reminding myself of that. The other way round can't be satisfying - and I bet those are the people who die as soon as they retire.

Glad the dog has kept out of the bins - labradors are such wombles.

love
Peridot x