The Scales Just Confirmed What I Already Knew

Well, I decided, AGAIN, that knowledge = power and stepped on the scales. These are my mother's scales and they are, apparently, fairly accurate.

At first, the weight came up in pounds - all 171 of them - and I was busy trying to calculate just HOW much weight I had put on. At one point, I was freaking out thinking I cannot be 14 stone something. Surely?

Then I turned the scales over and switched the measure to stones. I've crossed back into the 12 zone - 12 stone 3lbs to be precise.

Now, I want to be really clear here, I have worked really hard - mentally - to lose the attachment to the number on the scales (which then dictates my day, my self-esteem...blah blah blah). For me, the scales give information but, of course, I was too afraid to look before now (we have been here since Sunday). What took me so long? I already knew the answer, didn't I? I could feel it. I can see it. Those extra pounds aren't hiding somewhere about my person in a discreet manner. Oh no! They are VERY visible.

My LighterLife Counsellor has taught me to identify these moments as an opportunity to find out what's REALLY going on. And while some of the extra weight is definitely due to a vacation (in ALL senses of the word), I know that, inside, I am in turmoil. And I have gone from not finding food a comfort at all (it was not calming my nerves at all) to very much using it to numb what I am feeling right now.

Of course, a plan IS needed. But a sensible plan. I'll be back later with an update.

Comments

[Lesley]

Hi there. Great stuff getting back on the scales. Nasty aint it? Still, done now and you can start getting your head back in sensible mode before the new job.

I've got a cunning plan...you'll have loads of time to read all the mags/papers on the train..

I managed NOT to use any of the excuses not to exercise this morning and actually made it out for a run for the first time in 10 days! It was hard but did it.

You can too.. Hope you're having fun in Devon. Pat the dog for me.

"Lesleychops" x

Lesley x

[Emma]

Hi there

I only found your blog this week while researching the whole VLCD thing. It's funny, thought provoking, emotional - the whole lot and I love it! I am nervous about embarking on a programme, like you there's a whole lot more to eating for me than food as fuel, but it's only through blogs like yours that I can see prepare myself for some of the pitfalls and not fall into abject despair at feeling all alone in my slightly deranged relationship with all things consumable - for that I would like to thank you.
I hope that the 171 doesn't shake your foundations - I guess it's letting that be the call to arms that you need to renew your battle. It can be done and I for one would check in to see how you are doing and what's causing you grief/making you tick.
Best of luck and a genuine thank you for taking the time to put your thoughts and feelings somewhere that the rest of us can benefit from them.

Emma