I wrote a very long post yesterday and then didn't publish it. It didn't feel right.
This morning, I got on the scales and did not like what I saw.
I've had the food equivalent of cash handouts - lots of free meals - but they have come at a price. I have exceeded my own non-negotiable of 13 stone.
And the weight gain has happened pretty quickly. 3 lbs between Friday and this morning. And 4lbs in the week before. Half a stone in a week. Ouch. But I know my body...these figures are a result of several weeks, not simply one week. It's just showing up in this way.
It reminds me of last Christmas; there wasn't lots of excess, there was just consistent eating what I wanted - unchecked and over a few weeks - without any exercise to work off the extra calories. And alcohol. Again, no binge drinking - just sustained alcohol intake over many weeks.
All things considered, I haven't been comfort eating BUT I have been eating too much...because I could.
Up until recently, I would have used this information to have a mental argument - with myself - and had the whole self-chastisement rant off pat. I also would have freaked out and felt incredibly resentful about how I can't eat what I want, like other people, blah blah blah.
And ... how I would have to lose the weight, quick as you like, which would be hard, hard, hard.
You can probably hear my feet stamping from where you are!
Well...I can't behave like that. It's not the answer.
What I also know is that if I hadn't allowed myself to exceed my own non-negotiables of 11, 12 and now 13 stones this year, the job facing me now would be a lot easier.
A revisionist approach is always very easy but one thing I know for sure; I started January 2008 knowing that I had put on 10lb over Christmas.
What I should have done (yes, I really mean that!) is focus on losing the 10lbs. And holding my weight between 10 - 10.5 stones. 11 stone tops. I was toying with the idea of abstinence and my LLC urged caution, which, ironically, was the right answer. I think it could have been the perfect opportunity for...learnings. Learning to cope with food situations out of my control (well, not really but you know what I mean!) and then working around the consquences. Instead, I didn't really make a decision - I started this or that but nothing with any consistency. And then the weight see-sawed for a few weeks before I got pregnant. And then all sorts of spikes set in.
Once I stopped abstinence last year, I became fixated with food, which was the opposite of what I wanted. I never wanted to be someone who was obsessed with what they eat. And with that resistance came an inability to follow Route to Management with the same determination and diligence. There was much falling off the wagon!
One message that I think everyone who has followed a VLCD needs to remember is that WE CAN LOSE WEIGHT. And keep it off. Before doing LighterLife, I associated dieting with failure. Because I had failed so many times.
The irony is that when I started on the VLCD journey, it was all about trying to stop being fat. I genuinely didn't know what being slim felt like. I can barely remember it now but I do remember it felt better. It definitely did.
What I also understand now is that I can be slim. I really can. It's a possibility. Two years ago, I would not have believed it. And I can eat nice things. I really can. I just can't eat them all the time and not do any exercise. But I also know that I have lots of behaviours that need work so that I don't turn to food to block out the feelings. Food is my coping strategy when I am tired, lonely, stressed, happy.
I definitely need to learn new ways of dealing with life without the crutch of food. THAT is the challenge!
Have a great week, everyone.
Wow, that sounds really positive and determined. Good for you (and can I have some too please?!).
love
Peridot x
Posted by: Peridot | December 15, 2008 at 11:06 AM