Rear View Mirror

I finally, finally, finally made it to the gym today.  A million excuses/reasons NOT to step into the lift and enter the gym flooded my brain.  It had to be... one step in front of the other.  Literally.  All the way.

BUT it was SOOOOO hard.  My five-minute test (on the treadmill, to Clocks by Coldplay) was tough, tough, tough.  I managed to run for about 15 seconds.  I did three sets of cardio (five mins on the treadmill, five mins on an eliptical-type machine and five mins on the rowing machine).  And then I crawled to the 'mat area' where I thought I would do the stomach exercises from the Bodydoctor.  It was shameful; I huffed and puffed my way through the list of movements and felt rubbish.  Not in a beat-myself-up kind of way: instead, it was just very, very disappointing.  It was as if I had never done a Bodydoctor exercise. Ever.

I also worked on the four machines in this tiny gym and then left.  Quickly.

Given the context of everything else right now, my brain is just registering what's going on.  It's as if it's saving up suggestions for when I don't feel so vulnerable.  And then it will strike!! I caught sight of myself in the mirror - a rear view - and I just felt sad.  I can really, really see a difference compared with last year. And it was not an improvement.

Anyway, I have decided to just keep going - somehow.  No hysteria.  No drama.  Ironically, my goal today was to step into the gym and do five minutes.  That was the deal I did with myself - just to get me through the door in the first place.

When I signed out, the woman on reception said "well done"; of course, I immediately refuted her positive comment.  But, do you know what?  Those two words DID make a difference.  They certainly aren't ones I would have used on myself but I needed to hear some positive encouragement.  Just to ensure I go again tomorrow.

And I will.

Comments

[Lesley]

well done Mrs!! You got through the doors and did a longer workout than you'd bargained with yourself for. That is positive. Gotta start somewhere.

Now, KEEP IT UP!!!

Lesley xx

[goombagirl]

Good for you. I don't know what it is about exercise; starting is so hard. Brilliant idea just to aim for getting through the door. Even walking there is exercise! Hope you get there today.

GG xx

[Peridot]

Well done. Do you get that fabled endorphin high from exercise? I bet that would help (typically I only get that from chocolate!). Good for you Mrs.

love
Peridot x

[Peridot]

Just stealing a minute to 'talk' to you about Idiot Proof Diet. I liked it and felt it made a lot of sense. My body liked it too - I felt fuller for longer and had more energy on a largely carb-free diet. But I put on weight and I know several other people who did too. The problem seems to be that for some people not eating carbs is enough for the weight to come off (some faster than others) but for a few people - and, lucky me, I'm one of them - the total calories also have an impact and you can clock up quite a few of them. I think it has to do with metabolic resistance or something. Anyway, a wiser woman than me (Dilettante), in the same position, started combining the two to good effect but it does require alot of time and effort to do that (and a subscription to Weight Loss Resources). Happy to answer any questions and who knows, this may be The One for you! I do think that everyone is so individual that you have to find what works for you. Not just psychologically but physically too.

love
Peridot x