I've been doing this losing weight malarkey for longer than my adult life. I've been doing serious weight loss for more than three years and an understanding of addictive eating for at least two.
I have put in a lot of effort. A lot of focus. And then earlier this year I decided I really knew nothing! At all.
One thing I DO know for sure is that a run of good days can be followed by ... the complete opposite. And so it was today.
There were two factors in the mix - hormones and tiredness. But it's still no excuse. Whatever I ate, for most of the day, did not assuage my hunger. So then it wasn't about physical hunger, right? Well, if that's the case, I haven't done the necessary work to find out what the real problem was.
It started well - I'm using up the last of my packs - but I was two down by 9.30am. Then I was travelling and I packed hard boiled eggs, zero fat yoghurt amongst other things.
At the station, I picked up a skinny latte and a banana. I also bought some chicken (M&S - 3 for 2) and one of their utterly divine superfood salads - the vegetarian one with couscous. That was for supper. Supposedly. The coffee, banana, some yoghurt, the salad and some chicken were all consumed within one hour of being on the train. I also bought some peanut butter (as a gift!) from Whole Foods yesterday. Well, I had some of that too. The hole was simply not being filled.
When I arrived at my destination, I really wanted some chocolate. I have not had any chocolate this year. Fact. This morning, for the umpteenth time, I distracted myself from the Lindt bunnies that we were given at Easter (but several weeks early). My plan was to buy a small (ie the smallest) bar of Green&Blacks. But there were none in the supermarket. Honest! The reality was I bought two large bars because I simply had to taste the new variety. Obviously. As of 8pm tonight, both have been demolished (not entirely by me but about 80%). Regular readers know that I don't allow myself to be obsessional about calories and fat content (because I worry it's a road that leads to more self destruction) but hell, that chocolate came in at an eye-watering 558 calories with 35.9g of fat and 523 calories with 29.7g of fat respectively. Blimey!
(Compare that with one chocolate food pack, which has 125 calories and 3.4 g of fat.)
Whoops. Here today... and gone today.
So you see, virtue precedes vice. Now there is nothing within my reach that can do any more damage. I am back in the zone of the person on a regime!
Since I had eaten my supper by lunchtime and I didn't want any more packs, I had salad and my new-found love (or rediscovered love since I was eating this about 15-20 years ago!) - quinoa. It's LIKE pasta in terms of bulk and flavour but it's packed full of protein rather than carbs...
I was going to take myself off to bed early but the chocolate rush has kept me awake. So I am ending the day with more protein - my second hard-boiled egg. Oh and some more quinoa!
Apart from the chocolate, I can honestly say I have enjoyed everything I have eaten - I genuinely have - but I am alarmed by the volume. If I were a slim person, would I rationalise the food other than the Green&Blacks as something my body needed? Physically. Who can say.
I recently bought Dr Beck the CD! I fell asleep on the train today, with Dr Beck's words of wisdom going, I hope, into my brain. Clearly, it was busy processing before it could act on them!
Watch this space but I am, for the record, practising lock down on the food front! For the next few days...
I'm not sure you reasonably CAN compare Green and Blacks with a chocolate pack - it's like comparing a chunk of coal with a 5 carat diamond. Although that may be unfair to coal.
love
Peridot x
PS Still like the G&B butterscotch best
Posted by: Peridot | April 29, 2009 at 10:01 AM
This is totally not the point of your entry but what is the deal with these two milk chocs? Is the 30% replacing the 34% one? The wrapper just looks slightly jazzed up. But I think the 30% doesn't taste as good as the 34%. Hmmm.
Hang in there Mrs... xxox
Posted by: shauna | April 29, 2009 at 10:46 AM
Well, after our "telling off" last night any chocolate at all is going to be a loooooong way from my lips. I'm glad you enjoyed what you ate but don;t make a habit of it. it will just make it harder for you (as you know).
Well done for 'fessing up and have a great day tomorrow.
Lesley x
Posted by: Lesley | April 30, 2009 at 08:58 AM