Driving Me Crazy

I have decided to get back to driving.  And try to pass my test - third time lucky.  I haven't been near a test centre for more than a decade.  But I did have lots of lessons about seven years ago and... then did nothing about a test.  I've taken a theory test - in the past - and got the certificate.  But all these things are useless now as I have to start from scratch.

So, I've armed myself with the latest books and ensured that I can access a reputable driving school's computers and simulator (supposed to be like a car but soooo not!).  So far, so bad.  I would have failed both tests in spectacular fashion.

But but but...I am really keen to pass.  I am highly motivated because where we live now is not like the capital - it isn't overrun with fabulous public transport.  And being unable to drive is a massive disadvantage.  If doing a serious diet has taught me anything, it's taught me that persistence is the key.  I often forget that in food situations but it's true.  

Part of my driving avoidance was due to my utter terror about exams.  And feeling rubbish.  There is nothing like being unable to do something that the majority of the population can.  Every single one of my friends can drive.  And their partners.  All my neighbours can drive.  I only know of one person who doesn't  and they are still in central London.  So they have no need of a car.

It's so interesting - before I had my lessons, I wanted to eat.  It was anxiety.  When the simulator was telling me that I was failing on the same points, many times over, I just wanted to run away and hide in a sandwich shop.  Luckily, the staff are calm and patient and reassured me that sometimes the simulator can get it wrong. Imagine!

Afterwards, I wanted to eat.  It was the relief of surviving several hours in a driving school!  I also wanted to numb the feelings that saw failure, failure, failure on the results sheet.   The urge to eat was...almost overwhelming.  Fortunately, since I was already stuffed (from a sandwich!), I managed to get myself home, in one piece, avoiding all eateries.  And I decided to blog instead and hope the crave wave subsided.

Food-wise, overall, things are not great.  They are not terrible but I find if I slacken the leash, I go bonkers. I ate out twice over the weekend and reigning myself back in, is like coming back after the most fabulous holiday.  Real life kicks in!  Today the sun is shining and I want to go out in the evening and have fun. With food!  Again, it simply isn't an option and so once my work is done, I'll be cosying up with my Theory Test Manual.  And supposedly enjoying a delicious salad, too.  All I want are carbs. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Comments

[Peridot]

Hmm, feast or famine - sounds eerily familiar! The guilt and out of control feeling with the feast, the alternate feelings of smugness and low level simmering resentment of the famine.... Or is that just me?!

I have to say that - living in London - I wouldn't describe the public transport system as "fabulous". Far from it. But I suppose it is there. Most of the time. I think you're doing a great thing in getting to grips with driving - and I totally know what you mean about exams but this is more of a practical! Code name: the emancipation of Mrs Lard!

love
Peridot x

[Lesley]

You go girl!! Loads of people fail their testt loads of times and they al end up being perfectly good drivers. It's just one of those things which either comes easily or it doesn't. Much harder when you're older too so no fear of failure, just determination to get there!!

You'll get there. Big snog.

Lesley x

[Doodle]

I love the idea of you having road rage... Just cannot stop giggling.... Keep meaning to say, take your anger/frustration out on a pillow, hit it...
You can do this, as you say, it is perseverance, determination, getting over the hiccups, and total belief... I shall be doing lots of affirmations... xxx