Who am I? Who are you? Who are we?

OK, as promised, some big stuff to get our teeth into - and straight after a Bank Holiday, too!  I promised you a great post - which I believe this is - and a guest one at that.  It's based on numerous conversations I've had with fellow weight-loss chums and I've asked my blogging pal, Tiger Girl, to summarise a meaty theory into one neat post!  I only really began to understand it about a month ago and like all good studies, I loved it and then...forgot it.  Well, no more!

Over to Tiger Girl...

So the saying goes that 'our beliefs drive our behaviour', which is all very true but what about the stuff that drives, shapes and forms our beliefs?  It's a complex lifelong process, but for the dieter knowing who we are and understanding how this impacts on our weight management is an absolutely critical piece of the jigsaw.

Our identity sits at the core part of us all.  If you try to answer the question, 'Who am I?' all sorts of answers will pop up; I'm a mother, I'm a daughter, I'm a friend, I'm a wife, I'm a colleague, I'm a sister, I'm a lover and so on.  But for us dieters, we need to scratch the surface and dig a bit deeper than that to start putting our whole story together.  

The great thing about beliefs is that they can and do change, and with a bit of work you can re-programme them all to be exceptionally empowering.  We hold very helpful beliefs about some aspects of our lives, and some spectacularly unhelpful beliefs which limit us or hold us back in certain areas.

Live Case Study moment!  

I have a very empowering belief about my work:

 'I love my job and I'm brilliant at it'  

And what do you know, I've got an uber mega job and an enviable CV.  However, 'I'm rubbish at long term relationships' sits at the opposing end of the scale, and here I am as single as can be. (It's a work in progress!)

Our beliefs drive everything that happens in our lives.  The better you get at 'trapping' them and understanding which ones help and which ones hold you back, the more change you can create.  The best and most simple way to do this is to do your own Identity Audit.  You will be amazed at how some of your beliefs and values have shaped who you are and how you behave.  And for the dieter, answers will come at you like a train.

For the dieter, we all know that 'eat less, move more', and 'planning', and 'resistance', and 'control' and on and on and on are all messages that we've heard, read or been told to do.  Endless strategies around dieting and exercise will have served us well momentarily at certain times in our lives.  But if your beliefs and identity don't stack up in line with these messages and strategies then that's when the wheels will probably fall off. It's a bit like trying to de-seed an apple by gently picking the skin off - so just cut it in half and get straight to the core!

The theory goes, 'to make the most profound impact on your behaviour, change your belief'. And if this doesn't register with you for any reason, just think about the times you've lost weight and been thrilled about it, only then to re-gain it and feel desperate.  It's probably because everything has changed in your environment (ie. apple skin has been picked at) and nothing has changed at all in your belief system (ie. the core!).

There's an NLP model which covers all of this in more depth.  Developed by Robert Dilts, the 'Neurological Levels' suggest that learning and change can take place at different levels, but the biggest changes come from the very core levels, and when aligned to the higher levels...harmony rules!

He says we operate on six levels:

1. Spirituality

This is the deepest level where we consider and act out the great metaphysical questions:

Why are we here? What is our purpose?

2. Identity

The next level is our basic sense of ourself:

Who am I?  What is my mission?

3. Beliefs

From our identity, come our beliefs.  These are the rules we live by based on what we think is or is not true.

4. Capability

Our skills and strategies that we use every day.

5. Behaviour

Our actions.

6. Environment

Our surroundings and the other people we meet.

An example of a hugely successful weight holder who has all of the levels perfectly aligned would work like this:

Environment: No matter where I am - the office, home, on holiday - it has no negative impact on my diet.

Behaviour: I eat 3 balanced meals a day and have 2 good snacks.

Capability: I know how to manage my weight well and have learned X strategy/X strategies to consistently do this.

Belief: I will always be a successful weight holder/maintainer.

Identity: I am a successful weight holder/maintainer.

Notice the differences in this example around holding a belief that you cannot stick to your diet when you're on holiday:

Environment: I don't stick to a diet when I'm on holiday - I see a beach and eat cake/drink cocktails!

Behaviour: I allow myself to go a bit mad with food when I'm on holiday.

Capability: I don't know how to stick to my diet when I'm on holiday.

Belief: I let go of all of the food rules when I'm on holiday or I don't enjoy myself.

Identity: I am a failure at managing my weight consistently.

Understanding what's going on at your identity level can really help you understand what's not working at the higher levels.  Think of it like peeling the layers from an onion and look at what's truly underpinning your frustrations, or, of course, discover how to further celebrate your successes if your levels are in pristine alignment already! 

*Neurological levels by Robert Dilts, adapted from 'Introducing NLP' by Joseph O'Connor and John Seymour

So, to the work!  It's your turn to get thinking...

Find out exactly where you're at by completing these sentences below.  This is your very own Identity Audit and the trick here is to write down the very first and immediate response that comes to mind.  You don't need to craft any answers, this is about discovering exactly what's going on for you in the belief system and working out the helpful stuff (which you will keep, and make even more powerful) and the rubbish bits (which you'll be putting in the bin - forever) that are getting in the way of truly building, re-shaping or fine tuning an identity which screams 'I am a hugely successful weight holding godess and love myself and my life'

Grab a pen and piece of paper and scribble down the answers that come to mind first on completing the following sentences:

1. In order to succeed, I must...
2. In order to get what I want, I need...
3. The most important thing about being my best physical self is...
4. As a dieter, I am...
5. As a friend, I am...
6. As a I woman, I am...
7. As a success, I am...
8. As the person I am today, I am...

And now the really important bit...

When you're done, go back and read your responses.  How true are they for you?  What rules are you setting yourself?  Are those rules helpful or holding you back?  Which of your responses do you want to make even bigger and better?  How can you do that?  Which of your responses do you want to get rid of?  How can you do that?

Become your very own identity detective and start piecing this stuff together.  Enlightenment awaits!

                                                                     

Mrs Lard here...I thought it would be helpful to give you a couple of examples to see how different people answer these questions:

Example 1

1. In order to succeed, I must...practise, learn, practise.
2. In order to get what I want I need...to share and laugh and lighten up
3. The most important thing about being my best physical self is...my strength
4.  As  a dieter I am...very successful
5.  As a friend I am...loyal and supportive
6. As a woman I am...liberated and learning
7. As a success I am ...fulfilled 
8. As the person I am today I am...where I want to be

Example 2

In order to succeed, I must love myself

In order to get what I want, I need to relax

The most important thing about being my best physical self is, my strength

As a dieter, I am successful

As a friend, I am loyal & supportive

As a woman, I am vulnerable

As a success, I am recognised

As the person I am today, I am happy & contented

Example 3

In order to succeed, I must be perfect

In order to get what I want, I need help

The most important thing about being my best physical self is...(love)

As a dieter, I am a failure (confused)

As a friend, I am fabulous

As a woman, I am...(lost)

As a success, I am ...blank (couldn't answer)

As the person I am today, I am OK (enough - but I don't believe it) 

**Massive thanks to my weightloss friend, Tiger Girl, for writing this. The words are hers!  I would be really interested in any feedback you may have; do you think it helped you?  Please let me know! Feedback really, really welcome!  Just email me at [email protected]

I found the process particularly...enlightening (!) and have been trying to make this post happen for a while now.  Shauna's recent post and Lesley's work with Dr Steve Peters prompted me to get TG to put pen to paper!  And then, of course, I had my own core belief moment last night with the pizza!!!

And finally...any TypePad chums out there who know about formatting?  I soooo cannot sort out the editor thang anymore.  Grrrrrr.

Comments

[shauna]

i'm going to print this out and ponder properly over the weekend once the moving fuss has died down. thank you dear mrs (and tiger girl!) :)