If you have read as many diet books and diet articles as me, you will be familiar with the phrase 'find something you love doing, otherwise you'll give up' in relation to physical exercise. (It could, of course, apply to so many things in life.)
Well, we finally joined the gym. On Saturday, my husband had to drag me there. If I could carry out pouting in style, I would have pouted. Big time. Instead, there was petulance and dragging of feet all the way. And we hadn't even joined.
I find the gym hard at the best of times. But if I am feeling low, I find it's the perfect place to really amplify those negative feelings. The harder I pound on the treadmill, the bigger those feelings are. And the negative voices - well, they just get louder, the faster I try to go.
"You obviously don't have your iPod on loud enough," said my husband.
Hmmmm. Anyway, I managed to have tantrums on three machines - they all broke. Or stopped working. But somehow I got through the workout. I'm feeling physically rubbish and mentally very fragile at the moment. So it was torture. But I did it. Without enjoyment.
I think I mentioned that this new gym is not fancy. It's for people on a mission. Serious athletes. Serious dieters (I've been four times in total and today is the first time I saw bigger people there. And they were determined.) It's distinctly poser-free. Sadly, it does not have a swimming pool but it has... tennis courts. Tennis and squash. Squash I never got into. I really didn't. But tennis? Tennis could be fun.
I begged my husband to agree to playing - just FOR fun - on Sunday. He agreed and we booked a court. Rackets and balls are hired - for free! So no new gear required.
As we started playing - with the only available rackets (kids) - it struck me as funny and fun. I didn't care that I wasn't at championship level. I just laughed. I missed a lot of balls but managed to hit a few back. There were spectators so I made jokes. Before they did. Classic deflection.
Soon, it was clear that someone was watching us specifically. He started giving us tips and it turned out he was a tennis coach. But only visiting. He was soooo helpful and we had a mini and spontaneous lesson just for us. I am literally starting from scratch.
It was brilliant. It really was. Suddenly exercise was not all about me on my own (and my failure to run faster/stay longer/push harder). It was about a game. And having fun.
I know that I am a complete tennis novice. I miss more balls than I hit. I can't quite get across the court fast enough for easy shots. I felt extremely fat (I'm borderline overweight/obese again - based on BMI stats) and had moments of extreme self-consciousness (ie embarrassment). But. As I did run around the court, I could see that getting fitter could have its benefits on the court. And if I weighed less, I could move more. And if I ran more on the treadmill, I could move faster on the court.
The major, major difference in this thinking was that it wasn't about losing weight for losing weight's sake. It was so that I could then do something fun with the benefits of losing weight.
We played outside this evening; it was sunny and warm. It felt like a holiday. A European mini-break. I felt more alive than I have for months and months.
Long may this new-found-exercise-love affair continue.
Wow! Impressive - what a great post. I'm really glad for you that you've found some fun in exercising - as you know, I ran 3-4 times a week for a year and hated every minute. It didn't do much for me physically - or psychologically. But if you're having fun, you're not resenting that time and not needing big payback in the form of weight lost to keep you motivated.
love
Peridot x
Posted by: Peridot | September 07, 2009 at 04:48 PM
Faaaantastic. I want to take up tennis again but can't find anyone reliable to play with. You're a bit too far away for it to work!! You are so right about doing something you love. That's why I've given up on gyms. I like the mountain biking and like the running to a point, mainly because I'm out in the open air with the dogs but I could do with something interactive too.
Brilliant stuff and I hope you do a bit more of it.
Lesley x
Posted by: Lesley | September 07, 2009 at 10:12 PM
Good on you Mrs... be brave and bold :)
Posted by: Account Deleted | September 13, 2009 at 04:15 PM