Potatoes not Prozac

 

Friends, I have been trying to get my house in order.  And myself!  I've been reading the remaining books on my recommended list that I wrote about on this blog (but never got round to starting/finishing).  I've been facing the fact that yet again the weight is creeping back on (because I keep eating!) and I didn't seem to have the capability to get a grip.

I'm working hard to get my driving licence, go to the gym (which involves a temper tantrum each and every time) and think about what is going to work for me in the longer term (food-wise).  

Regular readers will know that depression, feelings of failure, negative self-talk and lots of drama figure quite a lot in my day-to-day existence.  For a really long time now, I've been trying to 'sort myself out'.

And it's a process, it really is.  

Certain things/people have had a profound effect on me along the way.  The moment I started reading Dietgirl's blog, I was a changed person.  Shauna's writing spoke to me.  And, of course, when her book came out, I bought copies for all my friends (who think about weight!) because it was essential reading.  It made me laugh and cry, even though I had been reading the blog for years and sort of knew the story (but the book has so much more!).

Then I found LighterLife.  LighterLife is a controversial VLCD.  But it worked for me.  I had an amazing counsellor (which I think is absolutely critical) and I lost weight.  A lot of weight.  And I began to understand that my behaviour around food had all the hallmarks of an addiction.  I liked the fact that a fundamental part of LighterLife's approach was behaviour change - with lots of CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy).  LighterLife taught me two things - I could lose weight (so the core belief that I would never be slim got blown out of the water); I experienced being slim.  It also taught me that while food seems to be the culprit, there is much head work to be done, too.  Oh, and one final thing, it taught me (though I consistently chose to ignore it) that sugar is powerful and dangerous to certain individuals.

Through this blog and a forum, I found wonderful companions on this weight loss journey.  Some but not all had also been through LighterLife.

Life then got in the way - as it always seems to - and I lost my way.  I did various attempts at abstinence (going back on a VLCD regime) - lost weight for important things like surgery - but in many ways my behaviour didn't change.  And the negative voices in my head were getting louder, not quieter.

This year I found Beck - as in Beck's Diet Solution and again, recommended it and thought this is it.  I bought copies for friends.  And gorgeous Lesley sent me a copy because she had found it so helpful.  But do you know what?  I didn't see it through.  But it IS worthwhile!

And finally, this summer, perhaps because I was back at home (and had access to the books), I got round to reading.  

Eat, Pray, Love was another important book in the journey.  It really moved me - to tears.  In fact, I cannot wait to read it all over again.  Ditto Thin is the New Happy.  

And then there was a book that I bought more than two years ago called, "Why do you overeat, when all you want to be is slim?" by Zoe Harcombe.  In fact, I read it two years ago and thought it was great.  Now several friends are embracing the author's regime and raving about it.  At the heart of that book is the debate about sugar and the cravings it sets up.  Her book makes perfect sense to me.

I then read Lick the Sugar Habit by Nancy Appleton, which again really spells out the problems with sugar. There is a lot of science in this book but Dr Appleton takes you through gently.  Again, it was another important book.  

But the book that has really spoken to me, no absolutely shouted at me has been Potatoes not Prozac by Kathleen DesMaisons.  I have a feeling that Peridot recommended this to me (Peridot - have you read it?) a long time ago.  Anyway, I finally got it.  And wish I had found it years ago.  There were so many things in this book that answered a lot of questions I still had in my head and it addressed the despair that I feel about food.  It's all about the chemistry; body chemistry.   And sugar sensitivity lies at the heart of the body chemistry situation.  Not all people are sugar sensitive.  But if there is a history of alcoholism in your family (ie parents), chances are you are probably sensitive to sugar.  Of course, I have been saying that sugar is NOT my problem.  My issue is pasta, pizza and bread.  I can go cold turkey on the sweets.  But what are pasta, pizza and bread to the body?  Nothing but sugar (once they've been broken down).  Doh!  Of course, I know this.  I do know it.  But maybe I just wasn't ready to acknowledge it.

Something really clicked for me this week.  I have been going to the gym.  A lot.  This is major.  Each day my husband has asked me if I feel great.  No, I reply.  A sense of achievement?  Absolutely not.  What about all those good feelings that exercise is supposed to create?  A big fat zero. There is no runner's high for me. Well, after reading Potatoes not Prozac, I am beginning to understand why.

If you think sugar senstivity might be an issue for you, here's some questions taken from the book to help you:

• I really like sweet foods (as I said, I am not crazy about them - I can easily go without desert in a restaurant)
• I eat a lot of sweets (funnily enough, in a car, I can consume far too many sweets, even though I say sugar isn't my thing!)
• I am very fond of bread, cereal, popcorn and/or pasta (yes, yes, yes and I will go to extraordinary lengths to have any and/or all of these)
• I now have or once had a problem with alcohol or drugs (I've always been super paranoid about the former)
• One or both of my parents are/were alcoholic (sadly, yes)
• One or both of my parents are/were especially fond of sugar (yep!)
• I am overweight and don't seem to be able to easily lose the extra pounds (errrrr, yes)
• I continue to be depressed no matter what I do (this was the one that was really important for me)
• I often find myself overreacting to stress (guilty, as charged)
• I have a history of anger that sometimes surprises even me (shamefully, yes).

We all have to find what works for us.  Everyone is different (and several blogging chums have found what does it for them).  This, for me, is where I wish I had been able to go after doing my hardcore VLCD.  But hindsight is a wonderful thing.

The next stage is starting the programme.  I like the fact that Kathleen DesMaisons has set up a website - with a forum (I LOVE a forum!) - called Radiant Recovery.  How fantastic is that?

I really, really, really did not want to have to go down the anti-depressant route and maybe, just maybe, I won't have to .  I am going to commit to this programme (oh my goodness, I've said it, on the blog!) because it makes sense.  I have to see if it can work for me.  Essentially, I don't think I am a miserable person but, of late, my bad, sad moods have made me really want to find a solution.

I'll let you know how I get on.

Comments

[Lesley]

If you find something that shouts to you then you owee it to yourself to give it every chance.....do it do it do it!!!

I hate to think of you being sad so I wish you every ounce of strength and love you need to see this through.

(((((((big hug)))))))

Lesley x

[Peridot]

By some curious co-incidence I also found this the other day (can't remember how and it wasn't me who told you about it before) and I ordered it from Amazon. Then I cancelled it. I just can't get my head around eating a potato after dinner, before bed. And no mid-morning snack but mainly the potato. But in answer to those questions:
* I really like sweet foods (Oh yes)
* I eat a lot of sweets (Not really but I'd like to!)
* I am very fond of bread, cereal, popcorn and/or pasta (not really)
* I now have or once had a problem with alcohol or drugs (No)
* One or both of my parents are/were alcoholic (No)
* One or both of my parents are/were especially fond of sugar (Yes)
* I am overweight and don't seem to be able to easily lose the extra pounds (I don't think I really need to say do I?! YES)
* I continue to be depressed no matter what I do (Having problems in this area recently)
* I often find myself overreacting to stress (Yes, I think so)
* I have a history of anger that sometimes surprises even me (Not really - I seethe alot internally, really seethe but I'm a bottler)

So I'm not sure I 100% fit the profile but I'm really, really interested to see how it works for you, Mrs. The comments on Amazon were largely glowing.

love
Peridot x

[Account Deleted]

Wow... my mum bought this book for me when I was at uni. 1998? She was being very subtle, this came after she sent me a cheque for 10 weight watchers meetings! I scanned the back and thought, "a potato in the evening? that'll make me fatter!" then proceeding to eat half a tub of ice cream at midnight.

I am glad you found a book that is singing to you! It really really sound like a good read. sometimes books just find you right when you need them. I've been thinking of you Mrs, let us know how you get on!! xxox