The Lard Arms

The Gym

So, Legs, Bums and Tums put me out of action for a few days but I got back to the gym on Friday.  I thought, naively, that I would want to go back.  After all, I felt excited about the classes...

Well, the resistance returned with avengence.  I was all set to go back to Body Pump but what with one thing and another, I didn't fancy cycling there in the rain.  Pathetic.  So I went later in the evening with my husband, which meant no class and gym only ie pure cardio.   It was back to day one - resistance (to working out) and petulance. I had also had a particularly tricky call to handle (which had taken me by surprise) earlier in the day and I was in an agitated state all afternoon.  That seemed to make me want to NOT go to the gym.  How crazy is that?

But we went.  The effort was pretty paltry, I have to say.  I also felt extremely bloated so did not wear my sweat minimiser top but opted for my husband's biggest t-shirt.  In black.   Hmmmm.  These are warning signs.

I went back yesterday - gym only - and managed to stay on the machines for the whole visit.  The audio visual equipment has been changed so now, if you want to watch TV, you can bring your own headphones BUT to be able to hear, you have to pedal/work.  If you stop, the TV sound stops.  How's that for motivation?

The only thing that kept me going yesterday was a programme with Nadia Sawalha who was cooking for Michel Roux in a Michelin-starred restaurant in Florence.  I've since found out it was called Eating in the Sun and you can watch it on iPlayer.  This can't be right, can it?  Captivated by food on screen while pedalling away?  My husband watches more food programmes than me but I must admit, even the vision of a pigeon being hand plucked and cooked, did not put me off.  It provided the perfect antidote and made the minutes pass faster.

In the meantime, I said to my husband, "maybe, I'll never want to go to the gym and I have to accept that and work with it"?  "Errr, yes", he replied.  

Legs, Bums and Tums

So, my new gym buddy (!) from Body Pump also suggested that I try a specific Legs, Bums and Tums she said that the class was full of older ladies.  Readers, you know that I have crossed the 40 mark some time ago so I assumed that it was full of senior citizens.  And I thought to myself, that class could be a winner for me after the body pump situation.

Yet again I cycled and arrived just in time.  Fortunately, the class started late.  I had to be shown by another kind person where the mats and weights were so that I could be prepared.  I say prepared but I am laughing because I had absolutely no idea what was in store for me.

Well, Legs, Bums and Tums has reduced my body to a heap.  Of lard.  There I was, completely wrongly, expecting a gentle way to start the week.  No, no, no.  And the average age of the group was definitely my age, with a few women in their 50s.   LBT starts off with an aerobic session.  The instructor's music choices were spot on - lots of '70s disco.  But the aerobics section was also hard-core.  I've split up the word to try to convey how I would say it for maximum impact.  At one point, we were pounding away to Chaka Khan's "I'm Every Woman" with the instructor shouting over the music, bellowing, yes, bellowing "faster, faster".  She was so loud.  The music was loud.  The exercise was hard.  By the end, all I could do was laugh.  At myself. At the situation.  I was flinging my arms and legs around, just trying to keep up.  Forget self-respect. Forget dignity.  I was a huffing, puffing giant red tomato!  

Each section - legs, bums and tums (in that order) seemed harder than the last.  The tums - which came at the end - was just too much.   As a result, I have not been capable of returning to the gym.  Every part of me aches. It really does.  But do you know what?  I want to go back.  For more insanity.

As my friend TigerGirl said, it's the fact you can't quit in a class like that.  Absolutely spot on.  And so while I am finding this exercise gig super tough on my body, I am having a good laugh.  At myself.  And sometimes, that's just what is required.  I also like the fact that I have to do the exercise; in the gym, I find myself getting on and off each machine at the slightest distraction.  I need water.  I need the loo.  The machine isn't working.  I can't hear the TV (if I am watching).  The whole time I am struggling to stay and get the work done.  But in a class, you stay the distance.  There's no alternative.

Unfortunately, I cannot get back to the gym until Friday (all day commitment tomorrow) so it will be...back to Body Pump.  If my muscles hadn't been complaining, I would have tried Pilates and Yoga this week. Never mind, it's something to look forward to.

I can't believe I just wrote that last sentence!!!

Body Pump

 

So, the gym thing is continuing.  And this time round, I have mixed things up.  Even though I have been a member of various gyms, along the years, I've chickened out of going to classes.  Ultimately, the bigger I got, the less I wanted to go.  So I stopped several years ago.  

When I was doing my own weight-loss regime, I embraced The Bodydoctor.  I still think it's the best programme out there.  But it does take a long, long time.  You get the results but it's a big commitment to get round all the weights and cardio.  And I haven't yet ventured into the weights room (of the new gym) with my big red book.  So the gym had been all about the cardio and tennis.  Until I heard something that made my brain go click, click, click

Dietgirl and MizFit have done something amazing; they have their own podcast.  Isn't that fantastic?  Do listen to it. Funnily enough, it was just before a gym visit that I plugged in to the whole thing.  I tried a couple of times before but kept getting interrupted.  Shauna was talking about body pump as a starter for weights.  My brain started whirring into action then.  I've got friends who go to body pump. I know of body pump but I don't really know what it is.

But now I do!

I cycled to the gym - the journey is so much better by car - not for the lazy factor but for the terror.  It's got lots of blind corners with cars going fast.

And I joined the body pump class.  It was so small (number of other pumpers!) and there were mirrors everywhere.  And that's when the freakouts started.  I am used to seeing myself from the front but not from the side.  I have to admit, readers, I had to look away.  I did not like what I saw.  It was painful.  How did I get so chunky again?  And it's all in one place - the visceral fat.  I'd already scanned the room to know that I was the biggest in the class.  But it was how I looked.  And I was soooo wearing the wrong clothes.  I felt like a big fat giant.  And they are not words I use casually.

The class was hard, hard, hard.  It's basically lifting weights to music.  With other people around you doing exactly the same but looking way sleeker and in control.  BUT I had a major breakthrough.  It stopped the negative thoughts in their tracks (body issue ones, aside, of course).  I was so busy trying to keep up, trying NOT to look in the side mirror and trying to understand what the hell the teacher was saying.  Overall, I felt it was a humiliating experience except nobody humiliated me and I got through the class. Hmmm.  I think I just felt ashamed of my size, to be honest.  And that, in itself, is ironic, because I am now at the weight I could never get below when I was much bigger.  This current weight I perceived as a holy grail weight.

All of this was not helped by the fact a well-meaning classmate was very helpful in showing me the ropes - where the weights, mats and poles are kept.  Where I could get water, etc. And what classes were worth attending.  She looked at me and I know she meant it nicely but she explained how she had been coming to body pump for four months and lost two stone.  Wow, I replied.  Congratulations.  But all the time we were chatting, I could tell she was thinking, ah, there's a lass who could drop a few pounds.

All of this, however, did not deter me.  Like Arnie, I'll be back. It spurred me on to want to be more capable in the class.  Body pump did it for me!

Rear View Mirror

I finally, finally, finally made it to the gym today.  A million excuses/reasons NOT to step into the lift and enter the gym flooded my brain.  It had to be... one step in front of the other.  Literally.  All the way.

BUT it was SOOOOO hard.  My five-minute test (on the treadmill, to Clocks by Coldplay) was tough, tough, tough.  I managed to run for about 15 seconds.  I did three sets of cardio (five mins on the treadmill, five mins on an eliptical-type machine and five mins on the rowing machine).  And then I crawled to the 'mat area' where I thought I would do the stomach exercises from the Bodydoctor.  It was shameful; I huffed and puffed my way through the list of movements and felt rubbish.  Not in a beat-myself-up kind of way: instead, it was just very, very disappointing.  It was as if I had never done a Bodydoctor exercise. Ever.

I also worked on the four machines in this tiny gym and then left.  Quickly.

Given the context of everything else right now, my brain is just registering what's going on.  It's as if it's saving up suggestions for when I don't feel so vulnerable.  And then it will strike!! I caught sight of myself in the mirror - a rear view - and I just felt sad.  I can really, really see a difference compared with last year. And it was not an improvement.

Anyway, I have decided to just keep going - somehow.  No hysteria.  No drama.  Ironically, my goal today was to step into the gym and do five minutes.  That was the deal I did with myself - just to get me through the door in the first place.

When I signed out, the woman on reception said "well done"; of course, I immediately refuted her positive comment.  But, do you know what?  Those two words DID make a difference.  They certainly aren't ones I would have used on myself but I needed to hear some positive encouragement.  Just to ensure I go again tomorrow.

And I will.