The Lard Arms

Farm Stay UK - Graves, Grannies and the Great North Run - Part IV

For a city girl (I do still think of myself as an urbanite), I seem have spent a lot of time in the countryside. And I have really enjoyed it.  It's made me appreciate England (since that's where I have been travelling) in a new way.

In these credit crunch times, more of us may be choosing to 'holiday at home' - not the staycation kind where you really do stay at home - but choosing not to jump on a plane to somewhere sunnier.  Or cheaper.

When we stayed in the North East, we were looking for a B&B and found Wydon Farm.  It hadn't occurred to us to stay on a working farm but as part of the Farm Stay UK initiative, it's all about having  a different experience.  Well, we had a great time.  The proprietors were so friendly and the food was...farm fresh (and free range!).

The farmhouse

Spring lambs

I broke abstinence at Wydon Farm for some scrambled eggs.  They were divine!  And totally worth it.

Graves, Grannies and the Great North Run - Part III

The Great North East Tour continued to Alnmouth and Alnwick, finishing in Newcastle.  And it continued to be...gorgeous!

Alnmouth Beach

Dogs and families enjoying the fresh air!  Alnmouth in the background...

Alnwick sidestreet

A good job the Alnwick Deli was closed...

Crossroads at Alnwick - look at this stunning building...

Newcastle

The Baltic hiding behind the Blinking Bridge, Newcastle

Imagine Peace - promoting exhibition at the Baltic

Dining at Bimbi's - it's a big hit in the Metro Centre, apparently!  Next time, maybe...

Graves, Grannies and the Great North Run - Part II

Here's a post I prepared earlier...

Goodness me, the North East is G-O-R-G-E-O-U-S!  It really is.  This was the first trip in our time together as a couple that we went exploring beyond my husband's home town and nearby hotspots.

We weren't away for very long but we saw some amazing sites and so I wanted to share them with you.

First things first...Hadrian's Wall.

En route, to Housesteads, Northumberland and that's just a view from the car!

Housesteads, Northumberland - view from the Wall

More Hadrian's Wall...

Bamburgh Castle, Northumberland

Holy Island is somewhere out there...

Bamburgh Castle in the distance - view from Seahouses

Seahouses Harbour where fish and chips are de rigeur!

This one gets the thumbs up from The Hairy Bikers

Busy, busy, busy...

Pinnacles did not disappoint...but we only had fish and chips for one...

More follows...

My kind of picnic

Now this is what I call a picnic in London! Something for all the LighterLifers to enjoy - vicariously.

This is a fabulous dining experience.

Bon Appetit!

Mrs Lard Gets to a Spa - Saturday 18 August

OK, OK, roll up, roll up, Mrs Lard has arrived at the big, expensive, swanky spa hotel. It's all swags and tails and patterned carpet (the classy type) and no tea tray in the room. I had come prepared with my Twinings Everyday decaffeinated teabags, Waitrose skimmed milk, foodpacks, blender, water, salad, cottage cheese, chicken. I mean, I came prepared! I even brought a plate AND a knife and fork - and not plastic, either! But I forgot - swanky also means stingy and they like you to pay for EVERYTHING! Tea for two from room service is an eye-watering £9, without tax! We ordered it because I asked for a kettle (oh, Madam, we don't normally do that sort of thing) and it arrived without any cups (cups are delivered separately, Madam). Still no cups, two hours after I ordered them! Yes, I did have to mention the "exclusion diet" thing to get the kettle.

The thing is, I don't mind paying for excellence but I think I sound like a real pikey with all my bits and bobs!

Then there's the broadband connection; no worries, I had organised it in advance. Only, the thing is, if you have two laptops - which we do - it's twice the price!

My husband says he dreads the moment we enter any hotel room because suddenly I AM like Monica from Friends - I become EXTRAORDINARILY fussy! We're on the first floor of a beautiful building but we're in an annexe style room - sloping celings and all that, which is lovely if you are my height, hideous if you are my husband's!

BUT BUT BUT - here's what I DO like. The bath is PIPING hot. In the B&B it never is and the room is cold, even with the heating on. It's quite depressing, really. Here, I had a scalding hot bath - just to knock me out! I read Woman's Own - a magazine I wouldn't normally choose - but I saw it in WH Smith's with the headline "How we beat our diet demons". It was too good to miss! I lay in the bath and read that. I was in HEAVEN although Woman's Own...not much to read, really.

The spa and the gym look VERY promising; tomorrow I have got my treatment! Hooray! We are going to head down later for some spa action, given that dining out is a no no. My poor husband will be paying serious money for a cheese sarnie later from Room Service!!

There is also a wedding on a the hotel and there is NOTHING more than I like than observing a wedding. Their drinks reception is in the public lounge - and apparently we CAN sit in there but I am no wedding crasher! And I feel for the couple because this is fantastic spot for nuptials - sweeping grounds to the River, incredible views - and we had a typical summer's day, as opposed to cold heavy rain, it would have been a happy day all round for them. But the party seemed happy enough.

So, the gym.

Well the gym merits its own post because it was a big moment for me. But, suffice to say, we went down at 7pm, having relaxed in our room (husband working and feeling gloomy). After the gym, he headed back up to our room and I went to the pool area.

When I came back to the room, I was showered and refreshed and yes, I could have eaten! A lot! I really could have. I was genuinely really hungry so I pre-empted any poor food choices and had half a Thai-Chilli soup and some cottage cheese. Just to take the edge off.

We headed down to the bar for a drink (I had been drinking water all afternoon so had a Diet Coke - WITH lemon). I'm afraid it was the mental energy thing, I just could NOT face having a water or the mental tussle to get me to the stage of having a water. And I didn't have my flavourings, either.

The bar was a funny place - very country club and home counties - the sort of place I LONGED to visit when I was in London. But, do you know what? I've changed my mind! This place is so pretentious and my husband and I agreed it was a bit to up itself (sorry but you know what I mean!) for it to be totally relaxing. And the irony is, the service is pretty shabby!!! That's why I like places like Babington - relaxed, informal, not stuffy but immaculate service. Yes, you pay but we've paid here. I emailed the Reservations woman to say it was our anniversary and nada! When we went to Babington (for my 40th, champagne and a personal card, in the room, on arrival). Let's face it, I wasn't expecting champagne here but even an acknowledgement. Service like that costs nothing but means EVERYTHING!

Anyway, I digress with my customer is king ranting! We headed back to the room because we were underdressed - even though my husband was sporting a jacket!!! I'm a girl with standards but insisting a jacket is worn for dinner is de trop in my book!

I didn't think I was very hungry when we returned until my hubby's order came through; I had two French Fries (what IS it with French Fries?) and thought, STOP! Right now! So I got out my dining apparel and had chicken and cottage cheese salad - rocket, iceberg and watercress (all sold separately) and it was GORGEOUS! So much so, I had another plateful. And I really wasn't stuffed, which was good but alarming at the same time. I was satisfied but I thought I couldn't handle this much food...Confusing, really.

My meal

His meal

Then my husband ordered ice cream and I had NONE! And I felt very pleased with myself for doing so, I have to say!

I just said no!

And that reminds me of something that one of my Management group said; she explained that yes, she does eat out but she is more fussy (and therefore a more challenging customer, I guess). But I sort of (because it's not 100%) had a lightbulb moment - so what if we didn't eat in either restaurant? So what, if I brought my own food? At the end of the day, I am doing this for me. I have to take care of me. Believe me, I don't feel this 100% of the time - probably not even 10% but my social anxiety did not get the better of me this time! I have, of course, yet to rock up in a restaurant and present a food pack but that's my issue!!! And maybe I should do it before I finish LighterLife - just for the experience of doing it!

Testing, Testing

So, we are now back home, it's night time and I can't sleep - it's 12.30am and my nap lasted four hours. Oh dear. Now I am overtired and out of sync. Again.

Anyway, I'm using the time to catch up on blogs (everyone else's and mine).

The trip North was, sadly, never going to be a happy occasion, even though we were determined to do something for us at the end like a visit to Hadrian's Wall.

We were picking up my husband's belongings from his grandmother's house (his family home was sold a couple of years ago so it was easier to store stuff there). She has, however, now gone into residential care and her own home is being sold. There has been far too much death in my husband's family, which means that going home for him is really tainted. And, as seems to be a far too familiar pattern with families across the country, the fallout from all these bereavements has been fractured family relations, which have buckled under the strain. With a wicked stepmother in the mix, it all adds to the overall tension.

So we really had a double whammy - a long car journey (any travel is a trigger for me) and a good chance of a confrontation at the other end!

Looking back, from the comfort of our own home, I think we did amazingly well but it was testing, to say the least.

Being aware of food triggers isn't enough to make them go away and, in a car, you can't exactly walk away, can you? My husband likes to have car sweets to hand and we had a lot of water, too. I used to eat a lot of car sweets - just because they were there and it was something to do - and I don't even like sweets...

We stopped off at a service station and my husband had breakfast; I had a cup of tea, with milk, and a tiny bite of ... his hash brown. For me, that was pretty good but I am also conscious, as I write this, that these little bites, here and there, soon mount up. I'd deliberately had breakfast before I left - hot chocolate - so I shouldn't have been hungry (and probably wasn't, to be honest). I just couldn't face a water or mint tea. Note to self - need to sort out rewarding myself in a different way when travelling (or, NOT rewarding myself full stop). Still can't hack black tea or coffee, either.

We made another stop, en route, but had no food. I had made a flask of chicken soup, just in case we got held up in traffic. We got to the hotel (Travelodge at £15 per night!) but couldn't check in. So we rang my father-in-law to see if we could meet earlier to do the handover but it wasn't practical for them. So we walked into town, in the rain.

Now, you’d think after our NYC experience, that we'd be prepared for rain but since the UK had turned into a giant sun lounge while we were away, we packed...for summer. Neither of us had a coat with us. Doh!

We wandered around and then I persuaded my husband to have some lunch; he had a roast and I had...a cup of tea. Felt VERY virtuous but I think I was determined that I would not let family relations get in the way of the diet. Yes, a cup of tea (with milk) is off limits but I'm trying to be a bit flexible when travelling away from home. Those feelings of deprivation have always set me off in the past - numerous diets have been stopped in their tracks because I felt too sorry for myself and too restricted so went too far the other way by saying sod it, and then eating for Britain. This time, with some flexibility, I am hoping to stay on the straight-er and narrow-er path!

The Roast versus the Cup of Tea

We went back to the hotel and I had my soup. And then we were busy until 9pm. We got the worst things done first. We then visited my husband's granny in her new care home; she is at least 93 but suddenly seems very frail, which is tough to see. She has left her own home (where she has lived almost all her life so at least 70 years), which she didn't want to do and seems resigned to seeing out her days in residential care. I've visited numerous care homes - through voluntary work, mainly - but it was still painful, particularly for my husband. Even though she is well cared for and knows that she could not stay in her own home any longer, you are acutely aware of mortality - hers, ours, the other residents - sorry to be so down – but you get the picture.

We then went to visit some friends, which was a great change of scene and we had more tea and the offer of lots of chocolate brownies but I had NONE! They were placed next to me throughout the visit. Now that IS virtuous, don't you think?!

Between arriving back from America and leaving for the North (early Thursday morning - early Sunday morning), I had not drunk one cup of tea, which is unheard of for me. I just didn't want any and I was secretly hoping that I had finally got my tea habit under control. By Sunday evening, I had managed to drink at least several days' worth so...need to work on that, I think.

By the time we got back to the hotel to drop off the car, it was 9pm and we were both tired and hungry. It's hard to convey but it was such an emotionally draining day. Amongst the stuff we were bringing home or putting into temporary storage until our own house is finished, were family photos and it was heartbreaking to look at them, to be honest. At one point, I just cried.

I mentioned to my husband just how hungry I was (I'd had breakfast, soup for lunch and a bar late afternoon) and I had, truth be told, been slightly obsessive about his own eating arrangements (to ensure he ate but also so that I could mentally prepare myself, as necessary). It's all about logistics on LighterLife, particularly when you are not at home!

I was hoping he would say that we could go back to our room but I know he really needed a drink (he was driving so had abstained all day). I did feel slightly grumpy then and a bit sorry for myself. We ended up in a lovely pub, which served fantastic food. My hubby ordered scampi and chips and I had three scampi and three chips. They were gorgeous BUT I stopped myself from eating anymore from his plate. Yes, I could have hung on but I was SO tired and genuinely hungry. I was happy to drink mineral water - absolutely no problems there - and if I had been braver, I would have taken a soup to be made up. BUT I just don't have the balls to do it. Pathetic, I know. I've been doing this regime for almost two months now and still haven't dared ask anyone to make a soup or shake for me.

So, after such a long day, we decided we would probably come home earlier than planned. We certainly weren't equipped to do any serious walking and the forecast was more rain. I tried to think of nice places to visit en route but, ultimately, I think we both wanted to come home. We've been to three different destinations - South West, North East and New York – all within the space of two weeks and it was beginning to catch up with us both.

So, we left on Monday morning, with a packed car, homeward bound.

Tiredness Can Kill (Your Diet)

This is a very quick post because we have hotfooted it back home thus clocking up almost 550 miles on our round trip in 30 hours and we are shattered. We were due to come home tomorrow at the earliest but for reasons I'll explain later, we decided to head back south.

If you've travelled on the motorway, you know that they flash up the warning signs saying "Tiredness Kills", urging you to take a break in case you fall asleep or lose concentration at the wheel (and cause an accident).

Well, tiredness kills your diet, too. Stone dead. All rational thoughts, emotions and guage of real hunger versus emotional hunger go out of the window.

We came home and I popped out to buy my husband's supper and I swear I could have bought anything and just eaten on the spot. As it was, I had a very small handful of crisps (Flame grilled McCoys, if you're interested) when I got home - hubby was tucking in - before having the energy (mental and physical) to walk into the kitchen to prepare a LighterLife soup.

Sadly, the tiredness is partly but not totally my fault. I've struggled to get to sleep at night since returning from New York and I also started reading a fantastic, totally indulgent 600+ page novel. Last night I had to finish it. Stayed awake until at least 3am. V.bad because now I am no use to anyone, least of all myself.

And for the second day running, tiredness has made me make bad food choices. Not undoable ones, not ones that will send me straight back to a life of lard but enough to make my brain function at well below par and convince me that a little bit of this or that won't hurt.

In isolation, one solitary bite won't hurt but during abstinance, constant vigilance is needed. Because it soon stops being one solitary bite.

I am off to bed now to try to have nap and get my crooked thinking straightened out.

Four is the magic number

So we've been back for just over 14 hours and I want to state - for the record - that I am back on four foodpacks. Haven't quite managed four litres of water so that will be tomorrow's challenge. I haven't done four packs since leaving for NYC.

Having a proper blender makes ALL the difference. Will be taking it with me when we go up North and stay in a Travelodge.

Have not had any tea or coffee either; a significant first. I went out today and forgot to buy any milk and then it just didn't cross my mind to think about either drink for the rest of the day.

We popped out this evening for a couple of drinks - walked to the nicest pub near the river and then back home via our local, which has opened its beer garden. I actually enjoyed my water - mineral rather than soda. I was aware of a vague desire for my husband's peanuts but nothing major. Ditto when we went into Sainsbury's to buy some more water; the bakery section looked so tempting but soon enough I forgot about it.

The reason for posting this is because I was dreading today; I thought it would be really hard and that I would be sulking for England, particularly with jet lag messing with my mind. I want to have something to remind myself that getting back into the swing of things need not be torture.

And the best news of all? I am pretty sure I am still in ketosis. HOORAY. I am hoping the cold I feel is because I just haven't adjusted to the temperature yet.

Tomorrow is the day of reckoning; tomorrow morning's results (weighing myself and using ketosis sticks) will show me where I really am. I will also need to find a way of packing in those steps; today I probably managed about 3,000.

Good night.

Back to Earth

Well, we survived the flight and the journey home in one piece. We were late leaving so when we were given dinner, I opted for it. I had about six mouthfuls of a vegetarian pate/loaf combo and that was it. Didn't touch the salad, bread roll or desert. I watched The Holiday and then fell asleep. I woke up to the smell of something sweet, which was breakfast. I took it, looked at it (my husband had said don't have it) and then gave the tray back. It was croissant, orange juice, butter and jam.

The holiday was over. No more little bites of this or that. Just as much water as I could drink. Didn't have tea or coffee either.

We managed to get through the airport very quickly - spotting Gordon Ramsay en route - and got a cab home. It was so strange for us not to be getting the Heathrow Express back to London. We left six months ago and now live in the Home Counties. After New York, the differences are even more marked, I must say.

The garden has exploded; I can't believe what has happened in a week. Will try to post some pictures later. The weather is also a shock; I travelled back in two jumpers and thermals!

We had quite a lot to do so no time to get undressed and weigh myself. In fact, I didn't do it until...about 1pm (we landed at 9am). And that was after I had picked up a parcel from the post office and bought some provisions for my husband, including some snacks.

I couldn't even remember what I weighed before I left so had to consult my diary. According to today's scales, I am 2lbs down but tomorrow will give me a more accurate reading. I also got hungry at lunchtime (deliberately didn't eat until I was) so I really wanted a Thai Chilli soup but sadly I have eaten them all. I have plenty of chicken and mushroom so I opted for the latter. Using my hand blender made all difference so I am going to do a traveller's tips list later.

I then had a bath and I started to think about weight and goals. When I saw the scales, I didn't know what to think because I couldn't remember the previous weight. What I certainly didn't register is that I am potentially just four pounds away from another major weight milestone. That struck me as really strange; in New York - because I couldn't weigh myself - I let go of the goal pressure that I put on myself.

Now I am just in a really big hurry to lose weight. As I flicked through our local newspaper, there was a big feature on LighterLife. One of the success stories lost four stone during abstinence. I hope I make three! It definitely won't be any more at this rate but who can say. I can't be objective after the week I've just had and I won't know my "real" weight until tomorrow morning.

One thing is for sure, constant vigilance is needed. Already I find that I am having to remind myself about what I can have now and stop any thoughts wandering - aimlessly - into tasty treat territory! I bought my husband's lunch and thought about which bits I could taste. No, no, no.

Instead, I will let the tiredness really wash over me and go to bed. Anything rather than stay up artificially, which will make me reach for those carbs at a moment's notice.

But just like riding a bike, I got straight back on with the programme. I've had my first soup and it's now head down and get on with it, as my husband likes to say.

Until later. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

That's All Folks!

So, as I sit here in JFK Airport and enjoy a wireless connection (I'm still blown away by technology), I thought I'd type up my final NY post. And I must say I am sad to be doing so...

I think I'm in love. With NYC. Or with the way that NYC has made me feel. This trip has been fantastic. Yesterday had its highs and lows but it picked up in the evening.

We went to Carnegie's Deli (much loved by Woody Allen) where I hardly ate - and no bad thing! We had a side order of onion rings that could have fed a family; I managed two. My husband had chopped steak, home fries and veggies but the home fries were awful. I had two and just thought...no thanks.

We picked up a slice of cheesecake from Lindy's for a "post-packing reward". As a single girl, I would have packed on the day of departure but my husband likes it all done and dusted the night before. Funnily enough, I got into cheesecake last time I was here - at Carnegie's. My husband has always been a fan but up until we visited Manhattan, I had no idea what I had been missing. My only experience had been Bird's Eye's best with a fruit topping. A New York cheesecake is a whole different matter altogether.

I don't know which is the best but we tried Lindy's last time so, purely for nostalgic reasons, we decided to repeat the purchase.

To be honest, I felt quite sick after four mouthfuls (back at the hotel). If LighterLife has changed my taste buds and appetite in such a dramatic way, no bad thing. I would have easily eaten a whole slice by myself before.

We ended the evening back at the Irish bar - where we first went when we arrived. And soda water on the rocks was still good for me. A couple of times I would have liked to have a drink but I know that would have been really silly and I am pretty certain it's something that would have sent me off the rails so I felt very happy to steer clear. Just in case.

I dominated the conversation with how sad I felt to be leaving and how I really didn't want to go home. Yes, my dog is there. Yes, my friends and family are there but for the first time in a VERY long time, I really didn't want the holiday to end, which is strange.

My husband said it was a sign of a good holiday and my holiday blues were due to the fact that I didn't want to go back to our house (which needs so much work).

I guess that's part of it but also my dog won't be coming home until we are out of the Bed and Breakfast, which could be any time from July onwards. So it's a long time before we are together and I am already missing her!

The problems with our surveyor are also bothering me - so much so that I woke up thinking about them on our last day. At least I didn't wake up and think about food. Hooray!

So, this morning we got up for our last day in New York. I was still in a solemn mood and then, in the shower, I thought to myself, I must change my attitude and make the most of this special day.

So, with the holiday mood back in tact, I had my hot chocolate (now very lumpy as my battery operated whisk no longer works) and was ready to go. By the time we got to Soho (about half an hour away), I was hungry again. There's such a buzz in this part of town and SO many eateries...I think I just got completely carried away. I wanted to eat in every one!

(I forgot to mention - we decided to finish what was scheduled for yesterday - so we were going to walk around Soho, Greenwich Village and possibly Chelsea if we had enough time.)

We also forgot my foodpacks and while I jokingly said to my husband that I could, therefore, eat anything I liked, I knew I wouldn't. However, on the schedule today - whatever happened - was a visit to The Magnolia Bakery. Last time the queue was so long that none of my travelling companions was prepared to wait in line with me so I never got to see and taste what all the fuss was about.

And yes, all this excitement and thoughts about a bakery are probably totally crooked but I was SO happy all day! (To be honest, cakes are really not my thing but I love American cupcakes – the simpler, the better. My favourite cakes are those ones you get from a fete – homemade, no additives or preservatives, made with love and very, very, simple.)

As usual, I also wanted to ensure that my husband ate and didn’t get tired and hungry…a lethal combination in any man, I think.

So, here’s a very quick summary of what we sampled today:

A slice of pizza from “Ray’s Famous Pizzeria” (never heard of it) – I had about a quarter of the slice.
A Red Velvet cupcake from Magnolia BUT we ended up throwing it away because neither of us liked it. If you are in London, go to the Hummingbird Café on Portobello Road; their red velvet cupcake is infinitely superior.
A flour-less chocolate cake (about the size of a very large brownie but round), which was totally divine in small doses. I still have two-thirds of it left in my bag and probably will end up throwing it away. (Strict rule for myself – back to normal LighterLife routine once we get home.)
A chocolate milkshake – again,so wonderful and a real treat – while my husband had his final burger and fries in our hotel (much loved by New Yorkers).

As we sat there, in the burger joint, waiting to get our cab to the airport, I thought how different I felt to the first visit (when I was in tears because I chewed but didn’t swallow two French Fries). I was happy for my husband to eat and it didn’t bother me one bit. (Of course, truth be told after sampling all of the above, even in relatively tiny portions, I felt as if I have eaten a Desperate Dan sized-meal. And the old me would have tucked into those fries, hungry or not.)

BUT, and it’s a big but, I am glad I sampled what I did. I don’t feel deprived and I won’t look back (well, I hope I won’t look back!) and think, I wish I had or I wish I hadn’t eaten certain things. I’ve enjoyed what I tried and while I am in no way confident that I will always be able to walk away and know when enough really is enough, I’ve been in situations here that have tested me and I hope that I have learnt that I can say no. That has to be a good thing, surely? (Full of self doubt, even now.)

I feel I am going home full of resolve to continue with LighterLife, join the gym and look forward to getting to management – eventually. I hope the routine of home won’t make me depressed again but, if it does, I hope I can find some ways – that don’t involve food – to help myself stay positive.

I don’t know what I am going to say to my counsellor next week. We talked in our group about my trip and how, in the past, I had made all my “magic moments” about food. Well, yes, I did and so did/does my husband when we are together. I’m not sure that has changed to be honest but at least it’s now not solely about the food to the exclusion of everything else. I managed to enjoy loads of things here without food playing a part. We met while we were studying and the first year of our relationship involved one date per week – always eating out. So eating out has always been special for us.

I’m worried that she’ll say I have let myself down by coming out of abstinence because she has absolutely drummed it into us that we cannot come off the wagon! I’m not sure if that tactic is to try to help people who may stray and who may come unstuck; I certainly don’t feel as if I went crazy here. Of course, constant vigilance will be needed when I get home – no cheeky bites here and there – otherwise that really could undo all the good work.

I’m curious to see what I weigh but I’m scared to see what the answer on the scales will be. I’ll have a better idea on Friday morning when we’ve been home for a day and I will know how I feel getting out of my own bed and in my own environment. I’m still wearing my size 20 jeans (+ belt) but with thermal leggings underneath to keep me warm. I hope I have lost weight but if I haven’t, I haven’t and I have a whole week to get back on track, drink enough water and feel better. Our group is meeting tonight so it’s the second class I will have missed.

Funnily enough, I think the next couple of months are going to be harder because there are more social commitments. I’ve kept LighterLife strictly confidential and “safe” ie not much socialising but at the beginning of May, I will be seeing a close girlfriend and I am nervous/excited about her reaction. It’s more the attention that I am uncomfortable with but…I am not going to worry about that now.

I’ve had such a wonderful holiday; I’ve really enjoyed myself and spending some much-needed time with my husband. Even with some disagreements along the way, it has been the perfect break and I don’t feel as if I have missed out on anything. I genuinely feel very lucky and I am eternally grateful to Lesley and Cath for keeping up with me and for sending such positive, encouraging messages. That has been a lifeline.

So, it’s back to real life in dear Old Blighty…